A Tale of Two Restaurants: The Onion Ring Standard Exemplified

 Long-time readers should be familiar with my maxim of the Onion Ring Standard. It's one of the first things I wrote when starting on this grand journey, and it's the guiding philosophy for why I do this. In short, you can judge the quality of a restaurant by the quality of the onion rings they make, serving as a proxy for any number of things. 

In the past four years, I haven't seen it fail. 

On my recent whistlestop tour of Mackinac Island to celebrate my first anniversary with The Wife, I took the opportunity to sample the island's onion rings. In addition to posting my reviews here on Sola Cepa, I also post a somewhat truncated version on Google Maps. 

Though it is rare, restaurant owners and/or staff have occasionally replied to these reviews. Two of the eateries I reviewed on Mackinac Island, Cannonball Inn & Catering and Ice House BBQ, happened to do so. The responses to these reviews, in addition to the onion rings themselves, help to illustrate the strength and utility of the Onion Ring Standard. I'll address them in turn. 

Cannonball Inn & Catering was, simply put, awful. The onion rings were clearly frozen, poorly and inconsistently prepared, completely tasteless, and with a texture so abominable that I wasn't sure it counted as food. I go into more depth in the review, linked above, but you get the idea. They were bad. Ergo, following the Onion Ring Standard, the values could be easily translated to the restaurant itself. 

That is, Cannonball Inn & Catering as a whole probably used mostly frozen ingredients, put no time, effort, or care into preparing it, and took advantage of being the only restaurant on the entire north side of Mackinac Island to serve garbage. 

I think the response from the owner, and the attitude it represents, helps explain why. Here's what they said on Google Maps (see screenshot below): "Sorry you didn't enjoy, after reading your novel I have come to the conclusion that you need psychiatric help. Enjoy your time on the island."

A similar response awaited me on a Facebook review (see screenshot below): "Once again I will reiterate that after reading your 5 chapter Novel about the onion rings I think you need help."

Just as the onion rings revealed that Cannonball Inn was cheap, tasteless, and poorly prepared, the review responses reveal a lot about the restaurant owners and management. In response to a negative review, their first instincts were to:

1. Insult the customer;
2. Imply someone who doesn't like their food needs psychiatric help;
3. Demonstrate that they don't know what a novel is, since they think 600 words constitutes a "5 chapter novel;"
4. Double-down when presented with the opportunity to do so. 

That response tells me a few things. First, they care so little about the food that they're baffled when somebody reviews it in earnest. Second, their management style eschews even the appearance of introspection, instead lashing out in anger when someone doesn't like it. Lastly, they have an enormous amount of arrogance and no humility. 

In a sense, the response helps further explain just why the onion rings were so terrible. 

Ice House BBQ, on the other hand, was a pleasant change of pace. The onion rings were clearly hand breaded (with Panko) and hand-cut, thoughtfully prepared, and pleasantly seasoned. Served with a house-made unique dipping sauce, the onion rings said loud and clear that this is a restaurant that cares enough to make things by hand, to pay attention when they prepare things, and to put actual thought into their menu and recipes. 

Like with Cannonball, the owner's response helps explain why (see screenshot below): "5-stars for this review! Your entertaining and educational recount of Ice House BBQ onion ring experience kept us on the edge of our seats 'til the very end. Thank you for sharing your unbiased expertise as well as any exceptional talent for storytelling." 

Since I know someone is probably thinking it, I'm not just singling out this review for their flattery of my prowess. Instead, I want to emphasize how this reinforces the onion ring quality of Ice House BBQ. 

When encountered with a positive and passionate review, they responded in kind. Rather than a simple "Thanks!" or "Glad you enjoyed!", they took the time and forethought to point our particulars from the review, and (at least on the surface) showed a genuine appreciation for my taking the time to earnestly review their food. 

That tells me a few things, like:

1. Ownership and management sincerely care about putting out quality food;
2. They pay attention to their reviews enough to respond within a day or so of my posting it, meaning they're open to feedback and want to continually improve; 
3. They have a good enough understanding of hospitality and customer service to care about how they respond to even the most casual reviews, and how that might come across to anyone reading their Google Maps page;

As with Cannonball, the response of Ice House BBQ helps to explain why the onion rings were good. They were made by people who care, take pride in their work, and want to genuinely provide a good experience to their customers. 

It's a tale of two onion rings. If you were biking across Mackinac Island, and all you knew was the response to my reviews, which place would you go to? Which place would you think has better onion rings? 

I know my pick. 

Sola Cepa.