Thanksgiving, for much of my adult life, has been a simple affair. With a steadily growing diaspora among my family, my grandparents absconding to warmer climes, and my siblings rapidly marrying off, it often came down to me and my mother. We would usually drink and watch TV.
With the rapid onset of my own marriage, I was forced to come to terms with sharing holidays with the in-laws. And so, off we went, to small-town Ohio, on a pilgrimage my wife's family has undertaken for many a year.
With the customary gluttony that accompanies Thanksgiving, I had to find time, calories, and resolve to go eat onion rings as well. It was not a simple task (and probably set me back a good two weeks in my own health goals, eating the caloric equivalent of a dozen runs), but I have long since accepted my lot in life is one of sacrifice for the pleasure of others. In this case, it's for those who (inexplicably) read in-depth reviews of onion rings. Thanks, as always, for your longstanding support.
Here's a review of onion rings from the Old Bag of Nails Pub (at the Marysville, Ohio location). Thank you to my lovely wife for accompanying me.
Presentation and Appearance: (3.5/5)
Though the black plastic basket is fairly standard, the paper lining resplendent with fake newsprint was a bit more unique (though I have seen it once before at Kitchen 67). I didn't bother to read the content of the paper (likely Ohio-themed propaganda), but it did its best to emulate a "down-home" country-esque feel. The onion rings are at just the right amount to fill the basket and slightly heap, with two plastic containers of horseradish dipping sauce balanced precariously amidst ring and news, perhaps a fitting metaphor for the lack of attention paid to onion rings in modern journalism.
The onion rings themselves are clearly hand battered, though a number are oddly squished and squashed, as though molded and fried under pressure to turn the characteristic "o" to something more akin to a "0". Overall, the batter strikes me as flaky and perhaps a bit loose, and cooked on the lighter side of golden brown. That said, they do make for a unique appearance, somewhat characteristic of tempura battering.
Taste: (2.5/5)
These onion rings were a bit of a shock to me. Despite the tantalizing appearance, the batter wasn't very well seasoned. Much greasier than initial appearances led me to believe, the bulk of the batter flavor was a buttery smoothness. The onions themselves didn't add much to the dish, beyond a small hint of sweetness mixed in with the batter.
The horseradish dipping sauce was a highlight, and was almost essential to whatever enjoyment I could derive from these rings. While not particularly strong, the creamy and smooth sauce mixed well with the buttery flavors of the batter.
However, at the core of it, it didn't feel much like eating an onion ring. It was more of a vaguely onion-tasting pastry shaped like a zero, filled with the delicious horseradish cream all schoolchildren know and love.
Texture: (2/5)
Despite the buttery taste, the batter is fairly dry. The batter itself is a curiosity. It's almost as if it's made up of successive layers of batter, fried lightly and concurrently before serving. The enigma-laden batter demonstrates both shedding and slippage, as flecks depart the ring after each bite and the onion interior slips out between them. The rigidity of the batter is further complicated by its softness, almost like a sweet onion cake.
The root cause of this is that the onion rings were undercooked. The interior layers are chewy and doughy, even while surrounded by the crispy flecks of the outer layers. I suspect this also accounts for the meager onion flavor. Though I'm fascinated by the batter, and applaud its ingenuity in delivering onion rings, I think it misses the mark on execution.
Value: (3/5)
On a standard menu price, this large basket of onion rings cost $7.99. The quantity was impressive, and this was one of very few occasions I can recall where I had to request a to-go box for the remainder. This was no doubt influenced by the gluttony of Thanksgiving (and the subsequent meals at Bob Evans, a hotel breakfast buffet, and other reviews), but it's impressive nonetheless.
As I worked long into the night in my hotel room, the cold onion rings beckoned to me, and ended up tasting better than they did fresh. I'm not sure what to make of that, which is a sentiment I'm forced to express for much of these rings. They are a curiosity from the depths of Ohio, that I will marvel at for the weeks and months to come.
Total: 11/20
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