My eternally gracious wife has come to terms with the fact that any given date night has the strong likelihood of being used as an excuse to review onion rings. Indeed, on the latest occasion, I undertook a robust comparative analysis to identify a restaurant that a) served onion rings; b) I had not reviewed, and; c) had a happy hour of sufficiently good value to warrant going out.
While the amount of effort I exert in reviewing onion rings may seem exorbitant and unnecessary, I can assure you that it is all in pursuit of a higher goal. That is, Sola Cepa. The $1 PBR draft didn't hurt either.
Here is a review of onion rings from River North Public House in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Presentation and Appearance: (3/5)
Plated on a deep and dark blue plate, the onion rings are stacked in what some scholars might call a heap, if they were being generous. The plate, though striking, is far too big for the quantity of onion rings contained atop. Two separate dipping sauces (the radioactive orange "Honey Sriracha" and the creamy white "Grand River Sauce") rest in metal cups just beyond the onion rings.
My first impression of the rings themselves isn't positive. The batter is extremely dark and almost certainly overdone. The battering is irregular and patchy, including one ring cracked clean in half. Though there's a prodigious amount of batter-per-ring, it's not applied evenly, leading to cancerous tumors bulging from beyond the confines of the ring.
Taste: (3/5)
There are a few maxims I've picked up in my many years of reviewing onion rings. Chief among them is this; the eyes do not deceive. The discerning consumer can easily identify potential flaws in taste and texture by sight alone. This maxim showed its worth with these rings, as the batter was horribly overdone, and bordering on badly burnt. Occasional speckles of flavor eked through the charred-out remains of what once were onion rings, and these did hold a decent flavor, though it was overpowered.
These onion rings were made with red onions, which is a refreshing departure from the norm. However, the milder onion taste from the cooked red onions made it difficult for them to pierce through the blackened shell of batter. Despite these problems, I do have to give substantial credit to the sauces, both of which I've never experienced with onion rings before. The Honey Sriracha sauce coated the onion rings in an interesting veil that truly transformed the dish.
Unfortunately, I was not able to appreciate it given the burnt rings. The Grand River Sauce was substantially better, with its mix of tangy, savory, and slightly spicy flavors. If these onion rings had been executed well, I think both of these sauces would have brought them to a whole new level.
Texture: (1.5/5)
The batter is far, far too thick for these onion rings, expanding like a rapid algal bloom from the onion core. The balance between the batter and the onion is completely off. This is compounded by how badly overdone the batter is. On some bites, I feel like I'm trying to bite through charcoal in some bizarre hazing ritual - perhaps with some shattered remnants of grilled onion hiding in the ashes.
The batter itself is also patchy and uneven. The overwhelming thickness and rigidity of the batter made both shedding (batter chipping off of the ring) and slippage (onions slipping out of the ring) extremely common.
The onions, despite the clearly overdone batter, seemed almost underdone and dry. It's possible that these rings looped all the way around so as to extrude what little onion juices remained into the fryer, leaving me with a sad and empty bite. The dipping sauces remain the star, as they infuse some much needed moisture into every bite, though there's only so much that they can do.
Value: (3.5/5)
My inherent thrifty nature - some combination of culture, Dutch ancestry, and familial habits - can be exacting, and drives much of my life, including my penchant for both meal prep and happy hours. In this case, the River North Public House happy hour is a good deal, as these onion rings were a mere $4. For all the trouble in execution, I can see a theoretically good onion ring buried beneath the cinders of the batter, with a decent amount sitting on the plate.
However, were these to be at the standard price of $8, it would be a different story.
Total: 11/20
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