Culver's (Chain)

There was a brief period of my life after I lived free of the confines of family or school, yet before I could legally acquire alcohol. Attending school at the time in the middle of nowhere, with few amenities and fewer pleasures, meant traveling further afield for what would otherwise be mundane. I took several such sojourns with my roommate, Eric, to the nearest city and the nearest Culver's - a mere half hour's drive away - whenever our other roommate (Garrett) abandoned us for the weekend to spend time with his loving girlfriend. 

Eric is a man of few, strong passions: economics, beer, the Green Bay Packers, and Culver's. As I journeyed the five minutes down the street from my apartment last night to my neighborhood Culver's, my mind hearkened back to simpler times, when the warmth of cheese curds and a butter burger warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart, giving me some small measure of meaning and purpose in those dark times. I think Eric just liked eating at Culver's.

Here's a review of onion rings from Culver's. 

Presentation and Appearance: (3.5/5)

With the convenience of fast food comes many a sacrifice for other luxuries. Despite the simplicity of the presentation of these onion rings (a small blue and white Culver's branded bag), I find myself oddly charmed. As I assume is taught at culinary schools around the nation, the quantity of onion rings exceeds the immediate space of the bag, spilling out in their circular glory. 

The onion rings themselves are cooked to a crisp, golden brown, with occasional specks of darker brown throughout. They are wildly variate in size, though fairly uniform in thickness. The battering is pockmarked, though this rarely exposes the onion core. As such, they do add a bit of pizzazz to the plate as a whole. 

(Culver's did not provide the plate, that's all me.) 

Taste: (2.5/5) 

The Culver's website, which has long been an authoritative source of information on the questions that wrack men's souls, notes that the onion rings are "salted the second they leave the fryer." True to their word, these onion rings are perfectly salted. There's enough to bring out the flavor of the battle, but not so much that it eclipses all other tastes. Taste-wise, the batter is the highlight of these rings, with other spices subtly mixed in with the salty flavor. 

Unfortunately, the onions fail to live up to the batter's standards. Though they are soft, plump, and juicy, there's next to no onion flavor coming with it. Such onion flavor that exists is pleasant, though skimpy. 

Texture: (3.5/5)

In what I can only assume is a remarkable feat of Wisconsin engineering, the batter was a marvelous mixture of brittle, yet firm. My first bite led the batter to crack and splinter, almost dissolving instantly in my mouth, and yet the rest of the onion ring remained firm. It's as though the batter was chemically designed to collapse after a bite, but only in the exposed areas. The strength of the batter was truly a marvel. 

However, its structural integrity was not matched by the plump onion within. The onions were perhaps a bit too soft, and prone to noodling out from inside the thick salty walls, though full-on slippage was thankfully rare. The onion portions were soft, but seemed at times more slimy than juicy. 

Value: (4/5)

Though somewhat lacking in onion taste, these well-seasoned rings provided a filling snack for a mere $2.99. Though I would be shocked if these onion rings weren't frozen, they were clearly cooked fresh and seasoned with love (which I assume tastes like salt). The batter is a shockingly high quality for mass-produced onion rings, and the quantity was just right. 

Total: (13.5/20)