For many years, I loathed D.C., by reputation, expense, and the fact that it was the seat of government and a hotbed of statist ambition, concocting countless plans to strangle freedom and the prosperity. Though the neverending regulations and interventions emanating from one of the thousands of nondescript buildings housing yet another in a line of countless federal bureaucracies may strangle prosperity and innovation, they do have some cool restaurants.
So that's something, I guess.
Here is a review of onion rings from Mexicali Blues in Arlington, Virginia.
Presentation and Appearance: (4.5/5)
The plate itself is as modal as a plate can be; white and circular. Rather than relying on increasingly bizarre blends of baskets and papers to plate the onion rings, Mexicali Blues lets the onion rings shine. Each ring is delicately and ornately placed in a flavorful tableau, pleasing to the eye and (hopefully) the palate. Sprinkled on top is a garnish of freshly chopped cilantro, bringing some much needed color to the plate.
The onion rings themselves are clearly hand battered, evidenced by both the cascading ridges surrounding the ring and the patchy covering evidenced on a handful of rings. In truth, the patchy battering is really the only ding I can give to the appearance of these rings, with each of them consistently colored in a golden brown and tinged with a hint of orange.
Finally, a medium sized container of chipotle ranch fills out the rest of the plate.
Taste: (5/5)
Over three years of some fifty-odd onion rings reviews (and dozens of others that never made it to print), I've learned one simple truth: almost nobody knows how to properly season onion ring batter. These are an exception.
Per the menu, the rings are battered in buttermilk and chiles, an entirely new culinary innovation in the world of onion rings. The batter delivers the slightest bit of heat and the perfect burst of flavor packed into each bite, transforming the onion ring from a routine slice of Americana to a cultural and culinary journey.
The taste of the onion is likewise measured and fitting, erring to no extreme in flavor. Though perhaps slightly undercooked, which generally leads to less onion juices and less grease, the minute rawness pairs will with the chile flavors.
The chipotle ranch dipping sauce elevated both of these flavors in turn to a new plane of existence. Simultaneously creamy and smoky, the sauce oozes down to the onion core through the delicate batter, working in tandem to produce a cohesive bite. Finally, the occasional flecks of cilantro criss-crossing the top of the onion rings provide a pop of freshness, softening and elevating the accompanying flavors.
Simply put, the flavors of these onion rings work together perfectly.
Texture: (3/5)
For all the triumphs of taste and presentation, the texture of these onion rings are wanting. Slippage struck a handful of times, and it struck hard, as I desperately gulped down a strand of onion with an oversized swig of Modelo Especial. The flavorful batter was also unique for its rigidity and structure, holding firm under the pressure of hand and tooth.
However, the strength of the batter is not matched by the onion. Though the underdone onions led to a delightful flavor profile, they were likewise too rigid, and too separated from the batter, to remain as cohesive in mouthfeel as they were in taste. If the onions were cooked just a touch longer, the added juices would glue the parts together, like birthday party decorations constructed by an attentive mother. Instead, they more resemble the haphazard attempts of a desperate husband flinging together decorations for a party his wife is making him throw for a concocted Instagram holiday, as he dreams of simpler times when he didn't own any throw pillows.
Value: (3.5/5)
I'm of a mixed mind on the value of the these rings. Though they made a filling meal with impeccable taste, the plate itself cost $9.95. Recognizing I am in the wildly expensive D.C. metropolitan area, I'm somewhat more forgiving than I would otherwise be, though the price is a little steep. For both the quality and the quantity of the rings, I'm fairly satisfied, albeit not overwhelmed.
Overall: 16/20
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