Bud and Stanley's Pub & Grub (Grand Rapids, MI)

Despite having gone on the day prior to New Year's Eve, Bud and Stanley's Pub & Grub was filled with the noise and revelry characteristic of a major celebration. I was not deterred. My sole goal, as it has always been and will ever be, was to sample and review their onion rings. I steeled myself through the din of the crowd, with an internal cry of "Sola Cepa!' giving me strength to persevere. 

Here's a review of onion rings from Bud and Stanley's Pub & Grub. 

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

In my long, and never-ending, quest to review onion rings, I thought I had seen it all. It seems that most restaurants are content to plop out a mound of onion rings in a plastic basket, resting atop a thin layer of greasy paper.

That's why the presentation of these onion rings delighted my jaded eyes in a way I've never thought possible. The onion rings sank deep into the recesses of the conic container, and were stacked well above the end of the cone, making a tower pleasing to the eye and to the palate. The accompanying container for the ranch dipping sauce, attached right to the cone, left me in awe of the wondrous innovations we see in civilization today. 

The appearance of the onion rings was good at first glance. A golden brown batter covered a wide array of onion ring sizes. The main problems came in the inconsistency of the coating, with more than a few onion rings lacking full cover, or some extra gnarly bits tagging along.

Taste: 2.5/5 

For all the glitz and glamour of the presentation, the taste was lacking. There was a fair portion of grease in the rings, spurting into my mouth with every bite. The batter lacked sufficient seasoning and flavor, and seemed mostly to serve as a barrier to keep the grease inside rather than providing taste in and of itself. 

The onion, however, had a pleasant, if subtle, taste. On one or two rings, the onions were cooked in such a way as to pack a bite filled to the brim with the juices and flavors of the onion. the onions were sweated, but perhaps a bit too long.

The accompanying ranch sauce had was heavy and packed a decent punch, but it mostly served to mask the bland batter of the onion rings, rather than work in concert to improve the dish as a whole. 

Texture: 2/5

The battered rings were soft, lacking in crunch and rigidity. This perhaps contributed to the outrageous amounts of slippage I encountered while eating, far more than standard. More often than not, my first bite led to accidentally eating the entire onion, leaving a messy pile of batter sitting on a napkin in its stead. 

The primary culprit of the slippage was the batter. It was far too thin, and left too much space between the onion and the batter to sufficiently cover, and maintain hold of, the onion in the rings. There were a handful of exceptions, where the batter was secure and thick and held the integrity of the ring together, which were a welcome reprieve from the norm. 

The sweating of the onions, prior to battering and frying, made them juicy, and closer to the side of mushy than I usually like. Fortunately, it didn't devolve into a unsatisfying paste, as so often happens. 

Value: 3/5

For $5.75, I got a reasonably sized portion of onion rings. The presentation no doubt made the pile seem bigger than it would in a traditional basket. The portion size was fine, but for the price, and the quality of the rings, I found it lacking.

It would serve well as a shared appetizer for two, or, for a light, early dinner for an onion ring connoisseur.

Total: 11.5/20

Sweet Meats Smokehouse at Fifth Third Ballpark (Comstock Park, MI)

From time to time over the past six months, I glanced through the notes stored on my phone, the dim outlines of onion ring reviews yet to be written. I would often consider trying to eke out a rough review, merely to get it over with, but I couldn't bear to put out a sub par production. I wasn't in a state or motivation to deliver the quality that you, the readers, have come to expect.

Today, Sola Cepa resumes. Thanks for reading.

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My culinary experience as baseball games doesn't have a stellar track record. Two lukewarm hot dogs, wrapped in a suspicious foil, went down easy enough at a Detroit Tigers game some ten years ago. The experience was not as pleasant that night.

As such, I didn't have high hopes for the onion rings at Fifth Third Ballpark, home to the West Michigan Whitecaps. Though my palate may have been somewhat compromised by copious amounts of $2 beer, I knew I couldn't pass this opportunity up. Navigating through the golden horde, I made my way to the one concessions stand that had onion rings, Sweet Meats Smokehouse.

Presentation and Appearance: 1/5

It's easy to tell the difference between onion rings prepared with care, thought, and precision, and those sloppily fried and mass produced for rapid consumption. These rings are demonstrably the latter.

The bowl is a thin, weak Styrofoam, threatening to crack and break at the slightest hint of pressure. It's far too small to hold the volume of the onion rings, and I was forced to delicately balance the bowl and two cups of Coors Light back to my seat all the way across the stadium.

Even without the small bowl, the onion rings themselves are a train wreck. Nearly every ring is cracked to smithereens, split and fraying. While some of the breading is a pleasant golden brown, there are far too many overdone, nearly burnt, chunks of breading scattered throughout. The inconsistency alone is frightening.

In short, these do not look even remotely appetizing.

Taste: 1/5

I'm tempted to say there's no taste whatsoever to these rings, but that would be false. There is one overwhelming taste: grease, and grease alone. I can tell there are some onions in it before I eat it, as the cracked batter shows some white, vaguely onion shaped substance within. Not that I could tell from the taste.

In terms of seasoning, there's a bland hint of a dash of salt mixed in with the overwhelming grease. The onions have no taste, the breading has hardly any, and I feel like a squeeze bottle of grease was drenched over the rings just before they were served. The grease leaked and burst onto my shirt as I ate it, adding pain and discomfort to the complete lack of sufficient taste.

Texture: 1.5/5

The overcooked batter does give the onion rings a mild crunch, but this is almost entirely overshadowed by the mushy, soggy interior of the onion. They are swimming in grease, which flows like a river between the onion and the breading. For each mild crunch, the stream of grease that rushes into my mouth (and, as previously mentioned, onto my lap) overshadows even the hint of good texture.

Value: 2.5/5

While the onion rings were the worst I've ever tasted in my life, I got a reasonably sized amount for $3.50, especially given that they came from a concessions stand at a minor league baseball game. They were, at best, a diversion from the baseball game and an excuse to shove grease down my gullet.

They may have only been edible as a result of the $2 beer which I managed to choke it down with, but they were still pretty cheap.

Total: 6/20

Big Boy (Everywhere)

As I sat at my desk today, working diligently on one project or another, a colleague plopped a large paper bag on my desk, saying it was a gift. Curious, I unraveled the greasy paper only to find a massive carton of onion rings! There are few times in life where man can truly say he is completely satisfied with his work. Today was one of them. Here's a review of onion rings from Big Boy's downtown Grand Rapids location (courtesy of David Welch and Charles Roelofs).

Presentation and Appearance: 1.5/5

I'm always a bit more generous with the presentation of take-out onion rings. Look, I get it. You don't have the time, inclination, or ability to prepare an appetizing presentation. That said, the presentation is pretty consistent with takeout onion rings. A large carton, made just small enough that the onion rings overflow out the top. Accompanying dipping sauce in a plastic container. It's as basic as it gets.

No, the real reason these onion rings are docked in this category is for the appearance. It's hard to tell from the picture, but practically every onion ring in the box was irregularly breaded, cracked, broken, and bruised. The perfection and wholeness of an onion ring was replaced by cracked and broken dreams, pale facades of the union that could have been.

The breading on these onion rings, besides being poorly done and irregular, is uniquely grainy. Almost like it was washed in an onion flavored sand.

Taste: 2.5/5

My first bite reveals a surprising amount of seasoning. The grainy batter, cracked and creaking though it may be, packs a tremendous amount of flavor on what parts of the onion they've stuck to. It's well salted without being overpowering, and the flavor stays with you as you eat the breading and the onion together.

Unfortunately, the onion taste leaves much to be desired. Were it not for the appearance (and my infinite wisdom of all things Onion Ring), I'm not sure if I'd know there was any onion in it by taste alone. The onions are likely tremendously undercooked, and somehow lacking in both raw and sauteed onion flavor.

The accompanying dipping sauce was unique, and hard to place. It was similar to the nigh ubiquitous "zesty" sauce that typically comes with onion rings, but without a lot of zest. Probably the same base, but with a different blend of herbs and seasonings mixed in. It complemented the seasoned breading well, without overpowering it.

Texture: 3/5

The grainy breading truly shines in the texture. One would expect the cracked, crumbly breading to disintegrate on the first bite, but that's a rarity. Though mildly greasy, it is not to an excess. The breading alone gives a soft crunch, without being too hard or overpowering. It goes down smooth and easy.

The texture of the onion itself, as indicated above, is almost certainly undercooked. They avoid the problem of mushiness that plagues so many onion rings, but seem to go the exact opposite way. The onion is firm almost to the point of rawness, but it does contribute to the solid crunchy bites.

All in all, the texture added greatly to both the mouthfeel and the pleasure of eating.

Value: 3/5

While I technically didn't pay for (or, indeed, ask for) these onion rings, I felt they were a solid value. As best as I can gather, the menu price for this (assuming it was a full order) was $4.29. For a modest sum, I got an overflowing carton of alright onion rings. They're certainly nothing worth writing home about, but they served as an adequate, and filling, lunch.

Total: 10/20

Russ' Restaurants (Cutlerville, MI)

For many in West Michigan's Dutch community, the Russ' chain is something of a holy place. At any given time, at any Russ' location throughout West Michigan, the restaurant is populated by large swaths of Dutch near-centenarians, with a smattering of blonde haired and blue eyed families crammed among the tables. The food is cheap, delicious, and filling.

When I first started Sola Cepa, Julie VanVoorst (a former Russ' manager) repeatedly insisted that I review the onion rings at Russ', but only if she took me. After many long months, we were finally able to make it. We were also joined by her own clan of tall Dutchmen; Dale VanVoorst, Ryan VanVoorst, and Eric VanVoorst.

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

The presentation is consistent with the Dutch roots of Russ'. Simple, with no pretension, and suitable for its purpose. In an appropriately sized green basket, layered with the standard paper. The appearance of the onion rings is thick, meaty, and demonstrably handmade, as evidenced by the bits and gnarls on the batter. They look immensely appetizing, homemade, and rustic.

However, the gnarly batter bits were a bit excessive (and the shaken off bits littered the bottom of the basket). The hand-crafted imperfections were appetizing, but at the same time, off-putting when taken to an extreme. In addition, the onion rings displayed clear signs of inconsistent fry time (some were overdone relative to others). While most were a delightful golden brown, some veered into darker (and overcooked) territory. 

Taste: 4/5

Much like the food critic in Ratatouille, these onion rings evoke a fond nostalgia for my youth, surrounded by a largely homogeneous band of fellow Dutch in family, church, and school. The first bite brings not only memories, hidden deep within my mind, but also a delightful smooth and creamy taste. The batter is well seasoned, the grease level is not excessive (indeed, it's just about perfect for an onion ring), and the onion rings are truly addicting. Soft and smooth, they go down easy. 

The onion interior is thick, well cut, and lightly sweated, releasing the crucial onion grease and juices necessary to make onion rings a success. Unfortunately, the sweet Spanish onions which make up the onion rings fail to deliver on a strong onion flavor. There was certainly an onion taste there, and what there was blended beautifully with the other components of the ring, but it was not as strong as I would have liked. 

I would also make special note of the accompanying ranch dipping sauce. My insider source for all things Russ', Julie VanVoorst, mentioned "It is worth noting that Russ' makes its ranch from scratch." "But not the batter", retorted Dale. Nonetheless, the ranch was flavorful, with a good mixture of zest and soothing cream, and complemented the onion rings well. 

Texture: 4.5/5

Like the taste of the onion rings, the texture was smooth and soft. The batter stayed on the onions perfectly. Even when I cracked the ring to dip into the ranch more effectively, there was no slippage, the batter did not disintegrate, and the integrity remained intact. The onion rings had more crisp than crunch, with a soft (but far from mushy!) onion and soft batter. They were a perfectly executed example of a soft and battered onion ring. 

Well, almost perfect. The previously mentioned excessive bits of batter (which marred the otherwise perfect appearance of these fine rings), ebbed and oozed over the onion core, and often were crispier and more cooked than the rest of the batter. This unpleasant consistency was the only flaw on an otherwise terrific texture.

Value: 5/5

As might be expected from a Dutch restaurant, the onion rings were a terrific value. At a normal menu price of $3.99 ($2.49 with coupon, of course), they more than suffice as an appetizer for two. Between the five of us, we were barely able to finish two of the baskets. The quantity in each basket of rings was generous, and the quality was outstanding. I'm tempted to award bonus points in this category for just how good of a value they are (but I'm not, as that would ruin the integrity of the onion ring standard). 

Total: 17.5/20

Coney's and Swirls (Hillsdale, MI)

Packs of families roam the street in the summer-like sun. Were it not for the still-budding trees, it could be June. The heat wave comes with the re-opening of seasons shops, like Coney's and Swirls, with ice cream, among other things. Thankfully, this provided me with yet another opportunity to review some onion rings. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

These onion rings were presented in a wholly unique way, one that I've never seen for onion rings before. They came packaged, wrapped, and twisted in a wax paper bag (which was easily opened), with a bag of salt tied in for good measure.

Appearance-wise, the onion rings were fairly consistent in both color and breading. However, a number of the onion rings were fused together through overlapping breading, as well as one or two cracked rings littering the bag.

Taste: 2/5

The onion rings were a step above bland, but a hair below mediocre. Moderately, but not exorbitantly, greasy, they were also lightly seasoned. The onion taste, however, was hardly present. On closer inspection, the onion interior was pitifully small and thin.

A small container of ranch dipping sauce accompanied the rings. Rather than adding to the flavor, the creamy ranch completely overwhelmed any of the taste in the onion rings.

In light of the processed appearance, and the sub-par taste, these onion rings were almost certainly cheap and frozen, albeit freshly fried.

Texture: 2.5/5

Like the taste, the texture of these onion rings were unremarkable, at best. While the breading was thick, it did not deliver a satisfying crunch. In general, the rings were almost certainly overcooked, leading to the crispy-yet-not-crunchy breading exterior.

The texture of the onions was practically non-existent, given their thin and narrow cut. Despite that, the onions weren't at all soft or mushy.

The texture was almost completely middle-of-the-road, with no extremes, either good or bad.

Value: 3/5

A small-to-average wax paper bag monstrosity of onion rings cost $3.45, which is a bit high for a quick, frozen bag of grease. That said, the quantity was fairly sizable, and the onion rings were filling.

If this review seems scant, it's because it is. I ate these an hour ago and they left practically no impression on me, other than "meh".

Overall: 10/20

Eaton Pub and Grille (Charlotte, MI)

This review is a radical departure from the norm for Sola Cepa. Today, for the first time, I'm reviewing something that is not an onion ring. "What!??," you cry out, "But this is Sola Cepa! How could you possibly review something that isn't an onion ring?"

Calm down, dear reader. Sola Cepa, after all, merely means "onion alone," not "onion RINGS alone." While onion rings are my bread and butter, there are other fried onion concoctions and variations, remarkably similar to an onion ring in all but shape, that can still be subjected to an onion (ring) standard.

That said, Sola Cepa's first review of onion petals, from the Eaton Pub and Grille, follows.

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

Since I'm a busy man (ignoring the fact I devote hours of my life to reviewing onion rings,) I got these onion petals to go. As a result, the presentation isn't stellar. The petals (and the dipping sauce) are shoved into a box just barely big enough to fit them, unceremoniously heaped into a pile together.

The appearance of these onion petals is a departure from the norm (for onion rings, at least.) They resemble a classic pub style of breading and batter; irregular, varied, inconsistent, and not especially "pretty," which I don't think is a problem here.

Altogether, the petals look pretty appetizing, even if the to-go box presentation isn't the best.

Taste: 4/5

Once you get past the odd appearance, the onion petals are, essentially, just a slightly different onion ring. My first cautious bite revealed a bold onion flavor. Like many of the best onion rings, the onion was lightly sweated before being battered and fried, which helps bring out the onion flavor.

That first bite also revealed the oddly sticky taste of the petals, almost like a microscopic coating of syrup was poured over every petal. At the same time, my bites went through clean, with only the occasional slippage. In some ways, they reminded me of a zesty fry moreso than an onion ring.

Some grease was present, but it wasn't excessive. The batter itself wasn't tremendously well seasoned, but the accompanying zesty dipping sauce improved the taste dramatically, complementing the already present flavors of the onion.

Texture: 3/5

As already mentioned above, the onion petals were ever so slightly sticky. With the stickiness came a still satisfying crunch, but a bit of a softer one. It was more like eating a glazed piece of meat than a crunchy onion ring.

The breading bloomed well beyond the onion. Each of the onion pieces in the petals was probably bigger, and thicker, than the average onion ring, but it came with increase irregularity in size and shape. Moreover, the breading ballooned well beyond the onion. While the petals all seemed fairly big and thick from the outside, a lot of that size stemmed from a hollow corridor between the onion and the breading. In effect, you end up eating a lot of air with the petals.

The occasional slippage also detracted from the texture score, especially given the relatively small size of the petals compared to a standard onion ring.

Value: 2.5/5

This fairly large box of onion petals cost $6.99, a fearsome price. While they're fairly good quality in taste and texture, and massive in quantity, the steep price tag is a little daunting. In my opinion, it's worth two or three dollars less than what it costs.

Total: 13/20

The Palace Cafe (Hillsdale, MI)

It was late Saturday night. Perched in an apartment in downtown Hillsdale, I suddenly developed an intense craving for onion rings. Thankfully, there was a restaurant right across the street that happened to be one of two places in the city that stays open that late, and they had onion rings! I'd always avoided The Palace Cafe because of the odd hours and their cash-only policy, but the stars aligned that fateful night, allowing me to test out the onion ring standard yet again. Thank you to Allegra (my rock) for accompanying me on my quest.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

The presentation is about as bare bones as it could possibly be. Atop plain wax paper and a black bowl rested some golden brown onion rings. The appearance of these rings left much to be desired. Many were misshapen, and those that weren't often had cracked rings or inconsistent (or incomplete) breading. The color of the breading was, at the very least, a consistent and pleasant golden brown.

Taste: 3/5

It should come as no surprise to anyone that the onion rings from a late-night diner in rural Southern Michigan where you can only pay in cash are greasy. The level of grease, though, gave me a bit of pause. The grease seeped through the breading to coat the onion rings themselves, and every bite revealed more grease and juices lying latent in the interior.

The onion taste was fairly strong and consistent, but nothing groundbreaking. The grease and juices combined with some of the other flavorings in the batter, which evoked a creamy and buttery flavor that greatly enhanced the taste. That said, the taste as a whole was fairly basic and uninspiring. It left next to no impact on me.

Texture: 1.5/5

Mediocre onion rings can usually redeem themselves through a solid texture. Even if lacking in taste, the satisfying crunch and a solid onion core can help bring the points up. This was not the case with these onion rings.

The greasy onion interior was almost unbearably mushy, wet, and overcooked. It didn't quite delve into a pulverized onion paste, but it was dangerously close. There was no crispness, firmness, or really any hold at all.

The batter was similarly uninspiring. Its sole saving grace were the inconsistent, overcooked batter bits covering the onion rings. They alone gave a sufficient crunch, and added some desperately needed texture to the plate.

Value: 3.5/5

For $2.99, I got a smallish basket of fairly mediocre onion rings. The quantity was fairly skimpy for the quality of the rings, in my opinion, and the quality wasn't great either. Despite that, I think you largely get what you pay for.

If it's nearing midnight on a Saturday and one wants onion rings within a walking distance of downtown Hillsdale, one can't be too picky. In any other scenario, however, I would pass on these rings without a doubt.

Total: 10.5/20

Sola Cepa featured on Radio Free Hillsdale

The day has finally arrived. When I started Sola Cepa, I long dreamed of spreading my message of the onion ring standard, and the reviews that stem from it, to the world.

Thanks to Jordyn Pair, I (along with Sola Cepa) was featured on the show "Have You Heard," on Radio Free Hillsdale (101.7 FM). If you ever wanted to get a more in-depth look at my philosophy of food and my motivations for starting Sola Cepa (in a handy, audio format) check it out!

Fat Boy Burgers (Grand Rapids, MI)

It may (or may not) surprise readers with the amount of time I put into research and planning for Sola Cepa. I meticulously determine which restaurants have onion rings (through copious online stalking,) plot out a rough schedule, and plan accordingly.

This week, that all went out the window when a coworker walked by my desk at work, saw me looking at the menu for Fat Boy Burgers, and said "Let's go there for lunch today!" Sometimes, spontaneity eclipses the well-laid plans of a young onion ring connoisseur, but the onion ring standard remains the same. Here's a review of onion rings from Fat Boy Burgers. Thank you to David Welch and Jimmy Birney (aka "The Jimmy") for joining me.

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

The entire aesthetic of Fay Boy Burgers is grounded in nostalgia, particularly for old time diners of years past. The presentation of the onion rings is perfectly consistent with that, plated in a red plastic basket with the classic red and white paper resting beneath the onion rings. The presentation suits the onion rings well, and though it is a bit basic, it is certainly a classic.

The appearance of the onion rings immediately tells me they are freshly battered and handmade (though it does already claim that on the menu.) Like the presentation, the onion rings call back to an earlier age, and look like they'd be perfectly at home in any classic greasy spoon.

That said, there were some gnarly bits that were a tad excessive, and some chipped batter littered the bottom of the basket when I was done. There were no cracked rings, that I can recall, or missing breading.

Taste: 4.5/5

I was immediately drawn into these onion rings on first bite. They were rich, almost buttery, and layered with just enough grease. I usually dock onion rings for grease (often, because it's horribly excessive,) but I really didn't mind it on these. In fact, I think the grease contributed greatly to the flavor. The batter was fresh and well-seasoned, and blended beautifully with the underlying (and overlying) grease.

The onion itself, however, was not especially strong. There was a consistent, light onion taste, but it was certainly not the highlight of the rings. Like most good onion rings, the onions were definitely lightly sweated before being battered and fried, which improved the (somewhat weak) flavor dramatically.

Despite the shortcomings in the onion realm, I genuinely couldn't get enough of these onion rings. I found it hard to just eat one bite of a ring, and often ended up practically devouring them whole, chomping away at the ring bit by glorious bit. The one downside, however, was a lack of accompanying dipping sauce, which I think are necessarily to truly bring out the best in an onion ring.

Texture: 3.5/5

The texture of these onion rings fascinated me. They were not hard, or thick, or crunchy (like so many onion rings are.) Rather, they were soft, light, and airy. The delightfully light texture and the greasy, full-bodied flavor complement one another wonderfully. There was no deep, satisfying crunch, but I think this is a good change from the standard.

I've docked points solely because of the inconsistency in the batter, which lad to excessive chunks of overdone breading all over the onion ring. I always appreciate a bit of this just to mix things up a bit, and add some more unique texture to the onion ring, but these were just too much. In fact, just about the only crunch in these onion rings came from gnawing on the overdone batter.

I understand why this was the case, and I'd rather have some overcooked bits from a handmade ring than the perfectly smooth, frozen, manufactured chimera so common to cheap chain restaurants, but it was a mark against the rings nonetheless.

Value: 5/5

For $3.59, I got the "large" side of onion rings to go with my patty melt. Frankly, I would have been perfectly filled on just the side of onion rings! For the relatively small amount of money, one gets an enormous mound of homemade, greasy onion rings. I've paid much more and gotten far less at many other restaurants in the area.

Fat Boy Burgers has, to date, the best onion rings I've reviewed in the Grand Rapids area. Give them a try sometime.

Total: 17/20

Stella's Lounge (Grand Rapids, MI)

Monotony is the death of passion. There are few things in life I care about. Liberty. Cats. The music of Ritchie Blackmore. Onion rings. Just like nonstop Deep Purple can make me tire of the sonorous sounds of the Man in Black, eating too many onion rings can make me lose passion for the grand endeavor. 

I was eager for a change. A fresh take, or a new presentation. I think I may have found that in the onion rings from Stella's Lounge. Thank you once again to Sola Cepa super-fan Patrick Oetting for accompanying me. Read on. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

Ordinarily, I don't like the trendy restaurant style of odd or "unique" plating for the sake of being different. That said, in light of my new found hope for a change-of-pace in the otherwise stagnant realm of onion rings, I was pleased with the slight twist on presentation. Rather than a plastic (or wicker) basket, these were plated in what resembled a pie tin! What fun.

But really, the presentation was about the same as usual. I did ding it a tad because, as you can see in the picture, my onion rings arrived with one resting atop the pool of "angry mayo" dipping sauce. It speaks to a basic lack of care, or unneeded haste, in plating.

The onion rings themselves were two shades darker than the standard golden brown, perhaps "earth-brown." The dark brown was surprisingly unique, and inviting (though I may have been fooled by the dimly lit interior of Stella's Lounge.) A handful were cracked, another minus. A pair of rings were oddly fried together, with one onion ring stuck INSIDE another. The irregularity of the onion ring breading strangely suited them, perhaps in line with my new hunger for something to break up the monotony of the mundane.

Taste: 4/5

In another in a run of pleasant surprises, these onion rings had terrific seasoning in the batter. Though I couldn't taste out the specific flavors, the seasoning blended together into a strong and cohesive whole. The onion, unfortunately, had a fairly weak taste. It was slight, but certainly pleasant. The strong breading flavor made up for it.

Despite the weak onion taste, the rings were pleasantly plump and juicy. The taste, overall, was smooth and subtle. The accompanying "angry mayo" dipping sauce was appropriately spicy and creamy, and was a good complement to the onion rings themselves.

Texture: 4.5/5

The onion rings bordered dangerously on the line of becoming hollow, with puffs of air standing in for substance between a thin breading and a thinner onion. This was not the case at all.
I throw around the word "crunch" a whole lot when I review onion rings, so I find myself forced to concoct a new turn of phrase to describe the delightful texture of these rings. I'll go with "The Triple C," Crisp, Crunchy, and Clean.

Nearly every bite of these onion rings had "The Triple C" (or alternatively, "The C Factor.") My companion, Patrick, described them as "a crunch worthy of a Pringle's commercial." Indeed, the crunch was almost like a potato chip. It was thin and easily collapsed in the face of a bite, but somehow, the onion ring still maintained its shape.

The onion itself had a lightly sweated, somewhat soft texture, but it thankfully avoided becoming overly mushy. The texture of these onion rings was wholly unique, and in many ways, a strange enigma I will never unravel as long as I live.

I docked half a point for one outlying onion ring: the double ring mentioned above. The entire thing collapsed under the weight of its own hubris, leaving me with a handful of breading and a heap of onion resting haphazardly in the basket.

Value: 4/5

Though the price was a moderate (for the trendy, urban atmosphere I found myself in) price at $5.50, the quality was well-above average in all respects.

These onion rings were truly unlike any other I've ever had, and that's a good thing. They have rejuvenated me to continue on my never-ending quest to test the Onion Ring Standard, this time, with a little bit more wisdom than before.

Total: 16/20

Ray's Tavern (Reading, MI)

Many swear by the old "hole-in-the-wall" restaurant, tucked away in a far-off town or in the corner of a city. That, they say, is where the REAL good food is, not the trendy upscale restaurant downtown. Does the same hold true for onion rings? On the rare occasion I go back to Hillsdale, I try to keep on the lookout for any new onion ring opportunities. Today, I finally had the chance to go to Ray's Tavern, in Reading (about twenty minutes from Hillsdale,) as suggested by Jeff King many moons ago.

Presentation and Appearance: 3/5

As might be expected from a tavern in rural southern Michigan, the presentation is very no frills. A plain basket, lined with the ubiquitous paper, sits beneath a mound of onion rings. The presentation is nothing special, but there are no glaring negatives. It's traditional and simple. 

The onion rings had  a fairly consistent appearance.  Most were a delightfully light golden brown, smooth, and appealing. A handful were ever-so-slightly more well done, darkening the complexion a tad, but it wasn't excessive. One or two rings in the basket were missing some chunks of breading, and a few were even cracked clean in half (more like an onion half-ring than a true onion ring.) 

Taste: 4.5/5

On my first bite, I was greeted with a surprising amount of juices for a relatively small onion ring. At the same time, however, none of that juicy, greasy, delicious goodness was present on the outside of the rings. The savory juices were accompanied by a surprisingly robust onion flavor. 

The breading was almost buttery, perhaps mixed with the onion grease that percolated throughout the ring itself. The taste was smooth and creamy, without being too dry or too wet. The breading was not exceptionally seasoned, a slight mark against it. Despite that, I frankly couldn't stop eating these onion rings. They weren't accompanied by any dipping sauce, but I don't think the rings missed it. 

Texture: 4/5

I'm torn on the texture. On the one hand, the batter on the rings was wonderfully crunchy. Each bite was crisp, without being burnt or overdone (though one or two were a BIT crunchier than the others.) Though profoundly different from the gradually encroaching standard of beer-battered pub style, these traditional onion rings delivered quality crunch. 

The texture of the onions themselves were soft, but not excessively so. I suspect these onions, like those at Saucy Dog's Barbecue, were lightly sweated before they were breaded and fried, which would also explain for the juiciness of the onions. I generally prefer a firmer onion center, but I think the soft style worked well for these onion rings. There was one incidence of fairly minor slippage, but I consider this an outlier. 

Value: 5/5

A sizable basket of these rings cost just around $3, and it's well worth every penny. With a surprising quality and generous portions, these onion rings are perfect for an appetizer or a side dish. Though at first glance the onion rings seemed frozen and basic, the looks proved deceiving! The onion rings at Ray's Tavern are indeed a hidden gem, and well worth the drive (from Hillsdale, at least.)

Total: 16.5/20

Peppino's Sports Grille (Kentwood, MI)

This weekend, I delved into new territory as an onion ring reviewer: dinner and a show. Following a stellar performance of Fiddler on the Roof at my alma mater, South Christian High School, I proceeded to dinner at Peppino's, at their Kentwood location. To my delight, they offered some (probably non-kosher) onion rings! Would the post-musical high alter my taste buds, and cause me to be more accepting of imperfections? This change could prove to be dramatic. Before launching into my review, my thanks to Doug Wiersma, Lisa Wiersma, Micah Wiersma, and Cati Schmitz for accompanying me on my quest (and, in some cases, paying for it.)

Presentation and Appearance - 3.5/5

The rings are plated somewhat haphazardly, crammed on the same tray as my sandwich. As would be expected from a sports bar, they're over paper and in a basket. The presentation itself was fine.

Appearance as generally consistent with a pub style onion ring, though the breading was probably smoother than average, for the most part. Some of the rings were breaded inconsistently, with exposes onion leaking through the cracks, or with some overcooked, darker brown, gnarly bits sticking to the side.

Taste - 2.5/5

On first bite, I wasn't too impressed. On the plus side, the rings weren't excessively greasy. The breading was at least moderately seasoned and flavorful. However, the onion flavor was just not there. I could hardly taste it at all. In general, the flavor of these rings struggled to rise above mediocrity.

There was, however, one shining light. The accompanying ranch dipping sauce was, without a doubt, the best ranch I have ever had. Words are unable to describe it properly. It was rich and tangy, and it oozed flavor and zest. It managed to squeeze a little bit more flavor into the otherwise fairly bland onion rings, but often, the onion rings just served as a vehicle for the ranch itself.

Texture - 2/5

The onion interior of these rings, in addition to lacking flavor, had an unsatisfying texture to it as well. Though not so mushy as to disintegrate into vaguely onion flavored paste, it lacked a firmness to give the ring itself structure. This probably contributed to the high instance of onion slippage, leaving a husk of breading where there was once a delightful onion ring.

As for the breading, it too lacked a satisfying crunch. It was soft, and probably also contributed to the slippage problem that plagued these rings.

Value - 3.5/5

Though the onion rings lacked a cohesive onion flavor, and the soft texture left something to be desired, they were a high value. For a mere $1.99 (offered as a side to sandwiches and burgers,) I got a filling side portion.

Total: 11.5/20

Z's Bar and Restaurant (Grand Rapids, MI)

Surprisingly, the bustling metropolis of downtown Grand Rapids is not a hub for onion rings. To date, I am only aware of a handful of restaurants downtown that actually serve onion rings (at least, within walking distance of the Acton Institute, where I work.) In the city proper, I've already reviewed Buffalo Wild Wings, the Cottage Bar, and the Bull's Head Tavern. With that, I turn to my review of  onion rings from Z's Bar and Restaurant.

Presentation and Appearance - 3.5/5

The onion rings are plated in the traditional style. In what appears to be a real, genuine basket, layered with paper, and heaped into the center. The relatively small size of the basket (comopared to the quantity of onion rings) makes it seem like there are more onion rings than there really are, a classic onion ring plating technique. This is far from a bad thing, in fact, I quite like it.

As for the appearance of the rings themselves, the breading is consistent and golden brown. However, several of the rings showed some signs of being overcooked (a bit more "charred black" than golden brown.) Additionally, there were far too many severely cracked onion rings in the basket. Though a small percentage of the whole, it's never a good sign.

Taste - 3/5

Ordinarily, when I get my food three minutes after I order in a restaurant, I'm elated. Though my order arrived quickly at Z's Bar and Restaurant, this did not bode well for the onion rings. If they come out THAT quickly, that almost certainly means these onion rings are mass produced and frozen. That is, not house-made, and probably not high quality.

My suspicions proved correct. The worst part about these onion rings had a wildly inconsistent taste. Some were packed with a thick onion flavor, while on others, it was hardly present. Often, there was barely even a slice of onion in the rings. Other times, it was a huge, thick, massive cut.

However, the breading was well seasoned. The rings also had very light grease, a pleasant surprise. There were a handful of onion rings in the basket that were genuinely good. As noted above, the docked points come from the high level of inconsistency.

Texture - 1.5/5

The onion (when it was present) in the rings was unique. It wasn't mushy, but also not firm. They were usually wet and packed with moisture, with just a little bit of give. This itself was not all that bad. Indeed, some onion rings were practically juicy! However, as noted above, most rings had little to no onion to speak of.

As mentioned above, the thickness of the onions in the rings was wildly consistent. Even without that, the breading and the onion did not mix well together. On almost every ring, I observed a gargantuan gap between the onion and the breading. In some cases, they were practically hollow.

This no doubt contributed to the main reason I've scored these onion rings so low. Slippage was present on more than half of the onion rings. Slippage occurs when the onion portion of an onion ring falls out after a bite or two, leaving only a husk of breading in its place. While it is understandable to a certain degree, it was nigh ubiquitous on these onion rings.

Value - 2.5/5

The onion rings weren't great, but for $7, I got a massive basket. They were filling, and warm, and went well with the apple cider I ordered. Though probably a bit overpriced, and lacking on consistency and quality, the quantity of rings was well worth it.

Total: 10.5/20

Buffalo Wild Wings (Everywhere)

Dusk. The city streets of downtown Grand Rapids darken and are filled with all the hustle and bustle one would expect from a Monday evening in March (not very much.) As the evening progresses, I am called by my never-ending quest towards onion ring perfection. Thanks to the suggestion of regular Sola Cepa reader Kyle Hanby, Buffalo Wild Wings had been on my hit-list for some time. That Monday night, the rings and I finally met. 

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

The plating and presentation of these onion rings is nothing revolutionary. Heaped into a mass and sitting atop some paper in a basket, they're not breaking any new ground. That's not a bad thing. I appreciate a restaurant that's willing to stick with what works rather than pointlessly concoct crazy new plating designs for the sake of being different. It's fitting and it works.

The appearance of the onion rings themselves is similar. Nothing groundbreaking, they're in a general pub style. Irregularly sized and somewhat loosely breaded and battered. This means there are a few hobs and gnarls on the otherwise smooth surface of the onion rings themselves, but this does make them a bit more interesting to look at. Otherwise, they're fairly consistent in color and covering.

Taste: 1.5/5

I don't even know where to begin. I'll start with picking one up. Immediately, my fingers become coated in a thin layer of grease, which covers the whole of the onion ring. They almost seem to glisten in the dim interior of Buffalo Wild Wings. The coating is at least a little seasoned, but I didn't get a lot of flavor from it.

Frankly, if it weren't for the shape and name, I don't think I would have known these were onion rings. The actual onion interior was cut extremely thin, and they somehow managed to sap all of the onion flavor out of it. This was mostly a circle of greasy, crispy bread that kind of smelled like an onion.

For all the faults of the onion ring itself, the grease DID make the food taste better (which I think is the entire point of grease,) and the accompanying zesty dipping sauce (which the menu calls Southwestern Ranch) was outstanding. However, the greasy crispy bread that kind of smelled like an onion (aka the Buffalo Wild Wings onion rings) merely served as a vehicle for the delicious sauce.

Texture: 3.5/5

Though the taste was severely lacking, these onion rings (aka the greasy crispy bread that kind of smelled like an onion) had a satisfying crunch on consumption. The firmness was nearly perfect. Not so hard and overcooked as to be difficult to bite through, but firm enough to substantially hold its own shape.

The onion itself, however, lacks any texture whatsoever. Possibly because there's basically no onion at all.

Value: 2.5/5

For the price (a little over $5), you get a decent sized starter/side basket of onion rings. They go will with their trademark wings, but leave something to be desired on their own. I've docked this category a bit simply because the onion taste is not there. Largely tasteless, the greasy crispy bread is at the very least filling, and would probably be a bit better with a beer or two.

Total: 11.5/20

Wing Heaven (Wyoming, MI)

There are likely more onion rings in the world than I will ever get to taste and review. However, each new onion ring review is some small attempt to chip away at the mountain that awaits me. After a brief hiatus, I have returned to my quest, with a review of onion rings from Wing Heaven, at the Wyoming (MI) location.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

These onion rings have a smooth and consistent breading, which is to their benefit. With a light, golden brown color, they are immediately attractive to the eye. Though the breading is somewhat gnarly, it's consistently so, with no irregularities marring it up.

Given that I ordered take-out onion rings from a small wing restaurant, I didn't exactly expect a beautiful presentation. My expectations proved correct. Wrapped in some slightly greasy paper and shoved into a styrofoam box with some spicy wings, it wasn't great. The unappetizing presentation caused me to go into the actual eating with an air of suspicion.

Taste: 3/5

A strong onion flavor is evident throughout. This is far from a certainty, surprisingly. The core component of an onion ring is, after all, the onion. The taste was palatable, without being overpowering. Subtle, and mild.

The breading was lightly seasoned. It wasn't excellent, but it did add adequate flavor. Thankfully, these onion rings weren't greasy in the slightest. It did mean less flavor, but it did mean more *decent* flavor.

That said, there's nothing that really stands out about the taste of these onion rings. They're alright. Nothing worth writing an elaborate review on a blog about onion rings, though.

Texture: 1.5/5

Mushy with hardly a taste of crunch, the texture leaves much to be desired. The onion interior isn't really an onion, it's more like a white paste shaped into an oval, desperately trying to masquerade as a slice of an onion.

The breading is mealy, but it provides the only source of a crunch in the onion ring. There's not much else to say about texture. There's no part of it that makes a good onion ring.

Value: 3/5

While these onion rings weren't really expensive (a little over $3), I found both the quantity and quality lacking. A pitifully small amount, it barely sufficed as a sufficient side to my boneless wings. Even if it was a mound, the weak texture and average taste didn't make it much worth it.

Total: 10/20

The Bull's Head Tavern (Grand Rapids, MI)

The world is a complicated place. Sometimes, the taste of a sweet onion ring provides a safe harbor in the midst of storms. It is my quest to find these harbors, and pass on the crucial knowledge to others. There are always storms, and always opportunities to find more onion rings. Recently, I went out to lunch with some coworkers. As luck would have it, they had onion rings! Two birds, one stone. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

The onion rings have a classic pub style appearance. A bit irregular on the breading, the shape bulges and twists. This is not, however, unappealing. It works, in its own way. I will say that most of the breading was a bit dark, indicative of some overcooking. One onion ring, buried beneath the heap, was lighter in complexion, and not overdone.

The presentation is nothing special. The onion rings were twisted together in a heaping mass, almost inextricably tied together. The plate was a bit small, and crowded (with my gyro and pickle jockeying for space as well). Beyond that, I had no serious complaints.

Taste: 3/5

The taste of these onion rings was fairly complex (for an onion ring). The breading had a surprising depth and flavor. Clearly well seasoned, thought out, and well prepared, it was the highlight of the taste. The onion interior only had a mild taste, though it was present. I would have liked a more prominent onion flavor.

Overall, the taste only had two serious flaws. The first was the weakness of many pub-style onion rings; an overwhelming, overpowering, and a somewhat disturbing permeation of grease. To a certain extent, this is unavoidable on an onion ring, even good ones. However, it was just a bit too the excess for my liking. In addition, the breading, while flavorful, was clearly and blatantly overcooked. Though this had more dramatic ramifications for texture, the taste suffered as a result.

Texture: 2.5/5

At first bite, the texture is fine, even good! With a delightful crunch, and no slippage of the onion, it seems fine. Indeed, they tend to maintain their shape with ease.

Of course, all of these factors are explained by one horrible cause; the onion rings were dreadfully overcooked. It makes sense that an overdone onion ring would be crunchy, and shrivel up on itself to prevent any slippage of the onion. Of course the shape would be maintained.

In truth, the overcooked nature of these onion rings completely ruins all the positive attributes of texture. Crunch, no slippage, and shape maintenance are only good if they're derived from a proper frying, not from excessive time in the fryer.

Value: 3.5/5

These onion rings were not particularly expensive, but they were low in quantity, and overcooked. All in all, they're a worthy side dish, but certainly not worth getting on their own.

Total: 12.5/20

Cottage Bar (Grand Rapids, MI)

When in the course of human events, a man moves from a small, rural town in southern Michigan to the bustling metropolis of Grand Rapids in West Michigan, he takes upon a mighty responsibility of pursing truth. One of the ways said man chooses to pursue truth is through reviewing onion rings, according to the onion ring standard. One would expect a mighty urban area to conquer the small, rural city. Does this hold up to reality? Read on, to find out. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5 

The appearance of these onion rings is, in a word, delightful. The consistency is consistent, the breading is smooth, and there are little to no irregularities on the plate.

The presentation is not ideal, but it's to be expected. Somewhat typical for onion rings in a restaurant, they're heaped onto a plate, hardly big enough to contain the sheer volume of rings. The presentation is nothing special, but it's certainly not bad either.

Taste: 1.5/5

On my first bite, I was optimistic. There seemed to be a strong onion taste, coupled by a robust flavor in breading. However, repeated bites and rings indicated the horrible truth; the taste simply wasn't there. There's a mild onion flavor in every onion ring, but hardly noticeable if you weren't looking for it.

The flavor in the breading is almost non-existent. Beyond a thin veneer of grease, it's bland, empty, and tired. Overall, these rings left next to no impression on me. Very little taste or flavor permeate these onion rings, and they're little more than a vehicle for grease and breading.

Texture: 2.5/5

For the lack of taste in the breading, it has a fine texture. Thick, crunchy, and crispy, the breading does not disappoint. However, the essential component of an onion ring, the actual onion, fails to deliver. The onion is mushy, weak, and slim. The scourge of onion ring lovers everywhere arrives once again, as the inner onion slips out of the breading. The result is a hollow shell of fried bread, desperately trying to masquerade as some facade of an onion ring.

Value: 2/5

Originally, I was optimistic about these onion rings. I stopped in over lunch, immediately ordered onion rings, and waited. Within five or six minutes, they arrived. I was blown away by the speed of service, but the reason become abundantly clear.

The rings were almost certainly frozen. At the very least, they were mass prepared and ready for frying upon order. The speed was amazing, and that's often one of my main criteria for food.

However, the price was exorbitant. For a small plate of onion rings, I paid nearly six dollars! What's more, the rings were of mediocre quality, if decent quantity. I can genuinely say I've has fast food onion rings substantially better quality (and a better value) than these. Though they were filling, and sufficed as a lunch, it is a lunch I will bitterly regret until the end of my days.

Total: 9.5/20

The Finish Line (Hillsdale, MI)

I don't expect gourmet food in a diner with a race car theme. That said, I've always had a soft spot for The Finish Line. It's cheap. It's quick. It fills you up, and it's usually tasty. However, as with all eateries, it must be subjected to the stringent test of the Onion Ring Standard.

Presentation and Appearance: 2/5

The presentation is not great. It doesn't break any molds, but it also doesn't throw the mold away and shovel everything into a messy trash heap. These are bulk onion rings, quickly fried, and shoved onto a plate. Again, I don't expect anything fancy here That said, the plate is not particularly inviting. This doesn't make me want to dive in.

The appearance is also a mixed bag. The breading is smooth and largely consistent, but there are a heap of cracked and half-rings. Is a cracked ring even truly an onion ring? I submit that it is not.

In any case, this category brings nothing profound, or even especially good, to the table.

Taste: 2/5

While not particularly bad, the taste was weak. The breading, with smooth, had next to no flavor in it. Their only saving grace was the well-executed onion center. Cooked just long enough to maintain an onion taste, these rings would have been tasteless without them.

The accompanying ranch dipping sauce only served to mask the bland taste entirely. While drenching an onion ring in sauce does technically make what one is putting in one's mouth taste better, it does nothing to improve the onion ring itself.

Texture: 3/5

The bland breading, the closest thing to an all-star component this plate has, was satisfyingly crunchy. Firm, crispy, and with just a little bit of give, it was excellent.

However, for all the greatness of breading, these onion rings had a catastrophically high incidence of slippage. It seemed like every other bite I had to deal with some errant strand of onion. I can't say this is uncommon, but it does nothing to ruin the dining experience every time.

Value: 3.5/5

While the onion rings themselves don't score great on taste or presentation, they're a tremendous value. Four dollars nets a large, filling plate. While quality isn't great, the quantity is more than sufficient.

Total: 10.5/20