The Palace Cafe (Hillsdale, MI)

It was late Saturday night. Perched in an apartment in downtown Hillsdale, I suddenly developed an intense craving for onion rings. Thankfully, there was a restaurant right across the street that happened to be one of two places in the city that stays open that late, and they had onion rings! I'd always avoided The Palace Cafe because of the odd hours and their cash-only policy, but the stars aligned that fateful night, allowing me to test out the onion ring standard yet again. Thank you to Allegra (my rock) for accompanying me on my quest.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

The presentation is about as bare bones as it could possibly be. Atop plain wax paper and a black bowl rested some golden brown onion rings. The appearance of these rings left much to be desired. Many were misshapen, and those that weren't often had cracked rings or inconsistent (or incomplete) breading. The color of the breading was, at the very least, a consistent and pleasant golden brown.

Taste: 3/5

It should come as no surprise to anyone that the onion rings from a late-night diner in rural Southern Michigan where you can only pay in cash are greasy. The level of grease, though, gave me a bit of pause. The grease seeped through the breading to coat the onion rings themselves, and every bite revealed more grease and juices lying latent in the interior.

The onion taste was fairly strong and consistent, but nothing groundbreaking. The grease and juices combined with some of the other flavorings in the batter, which evoked a creamy and buttery flavor that greatly enhanced the taste. That said, the taste as a whole was fairly basic and uninspiring. It left next to no impact on me.

Texture: 1.5/5

Mediocre onion rings can usually redeem themselves through a solid texture. Even if lacking in taste, the satisfying crunch and a solid onion core can help bring the points up. This was not the case with these onion rings.

The greasy onion interior was almost unbearably mushy, wet, and overcooked. It didn't quite delve into a pulverized onion paste, but it was dangerously close. There was no crispness, firmness, or really any hold at all.

The batter was similarly uninspiring. Its sole saving grace were the inconsistent, overcooked batter bits covering the onion rings. They alone gave a sufficient crunch, and added some desperately needed texture to the plate.

Value: 3.5/5

For $2.99, I got a smallish basket of fairly mediocre onion rings. The quantity was fairly skimpy for the quality of the rings, in my opinion, and the quality wasn't great either. Despite that, I think you largely get what you pay for.

If it's nearing midnight on a Saturday and one wants onion rings within a walking distance of downtown Hillsdale, one can't be too picky. In any other scenario, however, I would pass on these rings without a doubt.

Total: 10.5/20