Wing Doozy (Wyoming, MI)

The notion of value is at the heart of Sola Cepa. While it is merely one category of four in the ultimate rankings, I would argue it is the most crucial to evaluating a restaurant. If the onion rings from such hall of fame restaurants as Saucy Dog's Barbecue or Uchiko cost $20 a pop, there's no way they could possibly be worth it.

This does present some difficulty in reviewing, particularly at restaurants which offer onion rings solely or primarily as a side to some other dish. Wing Doozy is one such restaurant. In 2017, I ate lunch there with some colleagues and took copious notes on the onion rings, but wasn't able to write a review. Why? Because I ordered the onion rings as part of the combo, I wasn't able to accurately assess the value of the onion rings.

As a committed reviewer of all things allium, I was forced to revisit Wing Doozy many years after the fact, yielding the following review. 

Presentation and Appearance: (3.5/5)

The onion rings are very clearly freshly made and hand battered, radiating heat and comfort. Handmade onion rings are often concomitant with gaps in the battering, which is slightly present here. There are four onion rings of mostly consistent size, with one smaller outlier.

The color is golden brown with a few spare knobs of burnt and slightly blackened bits of batter. They arrive served in a black plastic basket with the requisite wax paper lining, simple yet effective. More importantly, it is consistent with the ethos of Wing Doozy: unpretentious and utilitarian.

Taste: (3.5/5)

The batter is soft, bordering on creamy, with the characteristic quasi-buttery smoothness of hot, fresh batter. They manage to avoid a deluge of grease, the buttery batter melding with the taste of the juicy onion. The seasoning is well balanced: salted, but not to an extreme, with a hint of peppery bark.

The batter is a little overpowering compared to the onion taste, almost hidden and muted in the presence of its power. In a rarity, one of the onion rings has a doubled onion center, which I commonly find in frozen rings but almost never find in the hand-dipped varietal.

Texture: (2.5/5)

The batter remains the star of these onion rings with its textural heights. It is both soft and ever-so-slightly crispy. The onions err a little towards hard compared to soft, but the juices mesh well with the batter.

The batter is a little hard, with hints of shedding overcoming its natural cohesion. I'm reminded almost like a smooth leather, or a turtle's egg, as these onion rings seem vaguely natural rather than artificial or machine-made.

Value: (3/5)

These onion rings are priced at the somewhat standard premium price point of $1 per ring. I don't think they quite rise to that level, but they're certainly a step above the bland, mass-produced morass that makes up much of the onion ring offerings of the world. There's a somewhat diminished onion taste present in these rings, and they're certainly missing the potential enhancements from a quality dip, but these are an ample side option.

Total: (12.5/20)

Kitzingen Brewery (Wyoming, MI)

Like many throughout what was once thought of as a free country, I am currently legally confined to my home except for whatever the governor, in Her Supreme Wisdom, deems to be "essential." In order to take my mind off of the growing wave of petty despots in the United States, and the ongoing collapse of economic freedom and civil liberty, it turned out to be a perfect time to catch up on my Sola Cepa backlog.

I also just ran out of excuses and alternative uses of my time.

Incidentally, looking back on these reviews made me realize how much I miss the simple freedom to eat food at a restaurant without threat of imprisonment, and contemplate how many of the fine (and less-than-fine) eateries I've reviewed over the last three years will close their doors forever because of this.

Here's a review of the onion rings from Kitzingen Brewery in Wyoming, Michigan. Thanks to my wife and father-in-law for joining me.

Presentation and Appearance: 3/5

Despite being a German style brewery, these onion rings are plated as a slice of Americana - in a red plastic basket and atop a crisp sheet of wax paper. Ranch, another staple of American culture, rests precariously in a generous portion betwixt rings and basket.

The rings themselves are clearly hand-breaded, with a crisp golden brown color. I was pleasantly surprised to see spices and seasonings embedded into the batter, which is rarer than you might think, While hand-breading is generally a good sign for flavor, it's difficult to get a consistent coating on the batter. This remains true here, as much of the breading is patchy and filled with gaps.

Taste: 4/5 

As foreshadowed above, these onion rings are surprisingly well seasoned. I say "surprisingly" not to knock Kitzingen Brewery, but to note how much this differs from the norm. Most are satisfied with naught but grease, and perhaps a pinch of salt, if they're feeling fancy.

These rings are well salted, true, but seasoned with something beyond that, providing a potent mix of beautiful flavor. The requisite grease is present too, but not in excess.

The onion taste is slightly more variable. When it work, they give off just enough onion juice and grease to come through in a buttery explosion of flavor. Unfortunately, some onion rings don't deliver the same magnitude of flavor, instead giving the weakness and pallor of a desiccated husk.

On the plus side, the ranch sauce was some of the best I've ever had, combining both sweetness and a tangy kick for unforgettable flavor, and undoubtedly enhancing and complementing the existing flavors of both batter and onion.

Texture: 4.5/5

There is something deeply human about the almost great. History, culture, and literature are filled with countless examples of things that approached glory and prestige, but couldn't quite hit the mark, with a tragic hamartia causing their fated downfall. These onion rings were inhibited by the hamartia of inconsistency, the hobgoblin of onion ring reviews.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the texture. My initial bites led me to believe I had finally found a perfect texture in an onion ring. They deliver a mix of buttery, melt-in-your-mouth softness with enough of a crisp and a shape to maintain integrity and some crunch. The onion meshed together with the batter well, with enough softness to give flavor without devolving into an incoherent mash of greasy moisture.

I think the best word to describe them I found was chewy, which is not an attribute I traditionally associate with good onion rings. Yet here it worked.

Unfortunately, not every onion ring had this euphoric mix of buttery onion and chewy, melty batter. Though none were what I would call bad, a handful of rings failed to live up to the almost impossible standard of their forebears.

Value: 4/5

Onion rings are often an afterthought, for drunken fools to fill their bellies with greasy carbs and stave off their inevitable hangover. As such, most are bare bones and overpriced for the meager flavor they deliver. Here, and for only $5, a got a sizable basket of flavorful and hand-battered onion rings, with a terrific ranch sauce on the side.

Total: 15.5/20

Chubby's Bar & Grill (Wyoming, MI)

Among the many qualities I find desirable about Chubby's Bar & Grill is proximity. A short drive from my abode, it's close enough to go to on a whim and, in dire circumstances, meander home after enjoying a variety of adult beverages. Despite its wide array of potables, I was drawn to Chubby's one fateful night with a singular purpose: to determine if they had any onion rings.

They did.

Here's a review of onion rings from Chubby's Bar & Grill

Presentation and Appearance: 3/5

Bucking the trend of smaller bowls, more rings, the onion rings arrive in a white bowl that's just slightly too big to accommodate the somewhat meager helping of onion rings. Served with a black plastic cup of southwest ranch, that mysterious sauce that's simultaneously proprietary and ubiquitous, the plating isn't wowing, but neither is it jarring.

The onion rings themselves are a different story. In my many (or, 2) years of reviewing onion rings, I've never seen an onion ring with such a pattern on the breading. The rings are characterized by dark brown stripes occurring at regular intervals along the edge, emanating out from the center of the ring. They look vaguely like grill marks, but on further inspection, I think they're more likely to be some sort of sauce added on near the end of frying. Their breading is fairly consistent, though the size is variate. The only other observation of note is the total fusion of two onion rings within one another, perhaps a meta-commentary on the dual nature of the color due to the stripes.

Taste: 3/5

Though the onions are cut a little thin, especially given the quantity of the rings, they were able to provide a sizeable amount of onion flavor. As may be expected at a bar, they're accompanied by a decent amount of grease, though it's not tremendously overwhelming.

The most fascinating part of these onion rings is no doubt tied to their unique striped appearance. Throughout the batter, and mixing in with the whole of the onion ring, there is a subtle, but ever present, tang. It's like a particular seasoning was mixed in with the batter, lending credence to my secondary theory of a sauce of some kind added to the batter after frying. The tang leads to a slightly sweet, and unidentified (even to my exclusively-refined-in-the-world-of-onion rings taste buds) taste, but it's a fascinating innovation. Additionally, the southwest ranch serves as a creamy complement to the uniquely sweet onion rings.

While the rings have a unique taste, the tang isn't always pleasant, and is attractive more for its innovation and mystery than flavor.

Texture: 3.5/5

Much like the humble and invasive zebra mussel, these striped onion rings have a crunchy and hardened exterior. Though I've never eaten a zebra mussel (indeed, my main interaction with them comes from an unfortunate incident with a bloody toe in Green Lake), I like to imagine they are moist and juicy on the inside, with a strong hint of onion.

If that turns out to not be the case, at least these onion rings are. The onions are cooked well, with a slight pliability and moistness without careening towards mush, and they complement the firm crunch of the batter.

Unfortunately, much like a zebra mussel, slippage of the interior parts to the outside are a negative. Slippage was all too common in these onion rings, with many a ring dissolving in a pile of onion and batter, which worked oh so well together.

Value: 3.5/5

Though innovative and well put together (barring the numerous counts of slippage), the price of $2.99 is a little too steep for so few onion rings. That said, they were largely good, if not great, and delivered not only a unique appearance, but a fascinating tang that I've still yet to unveil.

Total: 13/20

Wing Heaven (Wyoming, MI)

There are likely more onion rings in the world than I will ever get to taste and review. However, each new onion ring review is some small attempt to chip away at the mountain that awaits me. After a brief hiatus, I have returned to my quest, with a review of onion rings from Wing Heaven, at the Wyoming (MI) location.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

These onion rings have a smooth and consistent breading, which is to their benefit. With a light, golden brown color, they are immediately attractive to the eye. Though the breading is somewhat gnarly, it's consistently so, with no irregularities marring it up.

Given that I ordered take-out onion rings from a small wing restaurant, I didn't exactly expect a beautiful presentation. My expectations proved correct. Wrapped in some slightly greasy paper and shoved into a styrofoam box with some spicy wings, it wasn't great. The unappetizing presentation caused me to go into the actual eating with an air of suspicion.

Taste: 3/5

A strong onion flavor is evident throughout. This is far from a certainty, surprisingly. The core component of an onion ring is, after all, the onion. The taste was palatable, without being overpowering. Subtle, and mild.

The breading was lightly seasoned. It wasn't excellent, but it did add adequate flavor. Thankfully, these onion rings weren't greasy in the slightest. It did mean less flavor, but it did mean more *decent* flavor.

That said, there's nothing that really stands out about the taste of these onion rings. They're alright. Nothing worth writing an elaborate review on a blog about onion rings, though.

Texture: 1.5/5

Mushy with hardly a taste of crunch, the texture leaves much to be desired. The onion interior isn't really an onion, it's more like a white paste shaped into an oval, desperately trying to masquerade as a slice of an onion.

The breading is mealy, but it provides the only source of a crunch in the onion ring. There's not much else to say about texture. There's no part of it that makes a good onion ring.

Value: 3/5

While these onion rings weren't really expensive (a little over $3), I found both the quantity and quality lacking. A pitifully small amount, it barely sufficed as a sufficient side to my boneless wings. Even if it was a mound, the weak texture and average taste didn't make it much worth it.

Total: 10/20