Jonny B'z (Grand Rapids, MI)

Over the past week, my spigot of onion ring passion has been tapped, and out flows a voluminous portion of reviews, commentary, and wisdom on all things onion ring. I even deigned to take my precious break for lunch at work to journey to an as-of-yet-to-be-reviewed locale, with my colleague and Sola Cepa regular Patrick Oetting, where I sampled an entirely new (to me) variety of onion ring: haystack onion rings.

Here's a review of onion rings from Jonny B'z.

Presentation and Appearance: 3/5

The presentation of these haystack onion rings as as classic as it is ubiquitous; a mound sprawled out to fill a black plastic basket topped with a checkered red and white paper. While not ground-breaking, it is pleasant, and ties into the essential ethos of the onion ring culinary arts. 

The appearance is, generally, a mixed bag. Unknown to me when I placed my order, haystack onion rings are characterized by a remarkably thin and small cut of onion. The standard onion ring, whether breaded or battered, is characterized by some of the largest rings able to formed from a standard sized onions, appropriately hand-held and rarely able to be consumed in a single bite. 

These haystack onion rings, on the contrary, were remarkably small and numerous, intermingling into a gloriously tangled web of fried onion, where one could easily eat multiple rings in a single bite.The sheen on the top of the pile indicated that they had come fresh out of the fryer, as the grease was permeating throughout the basket. 

While I admired the spirit of the onion rings' appearance, the inconsistent execution was its downfall. Beneath the top of the web was a wasteland of shattered and broken onion pieces, whether burnt, overcooked, or simply fallen off due to excess batter. 

This is perhaps the biggest weakness of the haystack onion rings; a characteristic lack of structural integrity which makes the service, plating, and consumption a logistical complexity that man may never live to untangle. 

Taste: 2.5/5

My eyes did not deceive me when I observed the glistening grease on my platter, these onion rings were indeed hot, fresh, and greasy. For the more complete (and comparatively thicker) rings at the top of the pile, I got a surprisingly robust taste onion taste, for the thickness and size of the cut, at least. Generally, they were fairly weak, but packed an out sized punch. 

Beyond the meager onion taste, the only other flavors in the ring were an all-encompassing deluge of grease and salt. Now, grease and salt are pleasant to eat, and are the mainstays of any fried diet, particularly with the onion ring, but this haystack variety had them to an unpleasant excess, with no other subtleties of flavor to break up the monotony of the pillars of salt. In short, they were pleasantly addictive at the time, but the lack of depth (and the hours of heartburn after) cost them some serious points. 

In addition, the fragmentation of the rings mentioned above led this to be, by about halfway through the dish, to become more of a "pile of bits of fried onions" moreso than a true onion ring. 

I will point out that there were a variety of complementary barbecue sauces in squeeze bottles on the table, which gave the onion rings a pleasant and spicy vinegar kick, and added some much needed moisture back into the rings, which were completely absent the crucial onion juices that make an onion ring so good. 

Texture: 2.5/5

I will give the haystack onion rings credit where credit is due. These were, without a doubt, the crunchiest onion rings I have ever had. There was hardly a hint of juices, and for much of the basket, hardly a hint of onion texture, or presence, at all. 

The crunchy, crunchy breading completely overpowered all other textures in the rings, making it more like a collection of onion bits and better that perhaps were once an onion ring rather than a true onion ring. 

Value: 3/5

For all the guff I've given these haystack onion rings above, I truly think they were a reasonably good value. For $4, I got a huge basket that more than sufficed for a filling lunch when I stepped out of the office.

Most of the problems in taste and appearance can be accounted for by inconsistency and structural problems within the haystack onion rings themselves, that is, their thinness and relative structural weakness. I applaud Jonny B'z for experimenting in new methods of delivery for fried onion concoctions, but I think these rings still have some kinks to work out.

Total: 11/20