Sola Cepa is Moving to Substack

 As of today, Sola Cepa is now officially on Substack. I'm not entirely sure what to do with this, but for the time being, I'm leaving it up as an archive. All new posts will be on Substack. Please subscribe and I'll see you there: 

Atwater Brewery (Grand Rapids, MI)

The dramatic shifts in downtown environments brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic, and the trends that have persisted some three years past its inception, have had a marked impact on commercial real estate. There are so many restaurants, pubs, and bars that survive not by the quality of their offerings, but their relative proximity to people desperate for anything moderately quick and moderately hot. 

The Grand Rapids location of Atwater Brewery, a one-time staple of the Detroit craft beer scene that was acquired by Molson Coors in 2020, is one such instance. It's not a place I would ever make a deliberate trip for, and for good reason: it is middling in every sense of the word, one or two decent beers notwithstanding. 

And yet, when attending Acton University 2023 just across the street at DeVos Place, and beset by out-of-town friends insistent on checking out Beer City USA, it was the perfect locale. Also, they had onion rings. Thank you to Aaron and David for joining me. 

Here is a review of onion rings from the Grand Rapids location of Atwater Brewery. 

Presentation and Appearance: (2.5/5)

This side order of onion rings comes on a flat metal tray with the requisite wax paper bedding. Tucked between a moderately sized mound of onion rings is a plastic cup of ranch. Though the quasi-industrial presentation may be an intentional callback to the original home of Atwater, I kind of doubt it. 

By eyesight alone, one can see these are almost certainly the same frozen Brew City brand dreck of onion rings that proliferate among breweries, bars, and brewpubs alike throughout this once great land. The mostly uniform coating is the key giveaway, with the only variation coming from cracked rings brought about in their preparation. 

Taste: (1/5)

There is almost nothing I have left to say about this particular variety of frozen onion rings. They are, for the most part, hollow and tasteless, much like this subsidiary of Molson Coors masquerading as a genuine craft brewery. The miniscule circles of onion that make up the body of the ring technically have a taste, but it is so minute you would be forgiven for forgetting about it entirely. 

The breading is worse. Even the requisite grease and salt seems to drip off of the onion rings into the void, a memory of something long lost and almost forgotten. Even the ranch, so often the savior of bland onion rings, is nothing. A thin, watery gruel that mocks me as I eat it. 

Texture: (1.5/5)

Like the taste, the texture of these onion rings is a cruel imitation of what an onion ring ought to be, but the faux-facsimile is slightly more believable here. The breading, slightly overcooked, does have a slight crunch. The onions, on the other hand, are thin, wet, and stringy, having taken the brunt of the heat from the fryer. 

Slippage was rampant with these rings, and the key culprit was the overwhelming void betwixt onion and breading. Most of the volume of these onion rings is in the air between an underwhelming interior and a deceptive exterior: an apt metaphor for the state of the brewery. 

Value: (2/5)

The side order of onion rings cost $5, and the most charitable interpretation I can make of that is that it isn't as much of a gouge as it could be. Are they frozen? Yes. Are they tasteless and overcooked? Yes. Is there a moderately filling quantity that doesn't make me hate my life after paying for it? Yes. 

Total: (7/20)

Wing Doozy (Wyoming, MI)

The notion of value is at the heart of Sola Cepa. While it is merely one category of four in the ultimate rankings, I would argue it is the most crucial to evaluating a restaurant. If the onion rings from such hall of fame restaurants as Saucy Dog's Barbecue or Uchiko cost $20 a pop, there's no way they could possibly be worth it.

This does present some difficulty in reviewing, particularly at restaurants which offer onion rings solely or primarily as a side to some other dish. Wing Doozy is one such restaurant. In 2017, I ate lunch there with some colleagues and took copious notes on the onion rings, but wasn't able to write a review. Why? Because I ordered the onion rings as part of the combo, I wasn't able to accurately assess the value of the onion rings.

As a committed reviewer of all things allium, I was forced to revisit Wing Doozy many years after the fact, yielding the following review. 

Presentation and Appearance: (3.5/5)

The onion rings are very clearly freshly made and hand battered, radiating heat and comfort. Handmade onion rings are often concomitant with gaps in the battering, which is slightly present here. There are four onion rings of mostly consistent size, with one smaller outlier.

The color is golden brown with a few spare knobs of burnt and slightly blackened bits of batter. They arrive served in a black plastic basket with the requisite wax paper lining, simple yet effective. More importantly, it is consistent with the ethos of Wing Doozy: unpretentious and utilitarian.

Taste: (3.5/5)

The batter is soft, bordering on creamy, with the characteristic quasi-buttery smoothness of hot, fresh batter. They manage to avoid a deluge of grease, the buttery batter melding with the taste of the juicy onion. The seasoning is well balanced: salted, but not to an extreme, with a hint of peppery bark.

The batter is a little overpowering compared to the onion taste, almost hidden and muted in the presence of its power. In a rarity, one of the onion rings has a doubled onion center, which I commonly find in frozen rings but almost never find in the hand-dipped varietal.

Texture: (2.5/5)

The batter remains the star of these onion rings with its textural heights. It is both soft and ever-so-slightly crispy. The onions err a little towards hard compared to soft, but the juices mesh well with the batter.

The batter is a little hard, with hints of shedding overcoming its natural cohesion. I'm reminded almost like a smooth leather, or a turtle's egg, as these onion rings seem vaguely natural rather than artificial or machine-made.

Value: (3/5)

These onion rings are priced at the somewhat standard premium price point of $1 per ring. I don't think they quite rise to that level, but they're certainly a step above the bland, mass-produced morass that makes up much of the onion ring offerings of the world. There's a somewhat diminished onion taste present in these rings, and they're certainly missing the potential enhancements from a quality dip, but these are an ample side option.

Total: (12.5/20)

On the Grid (Allegan, MI)

My age has started to sneak up on me in subtle ways. My steadily growing interest in a well-maintained lawn. The inability to drink bottom-shelf liquor. Most recently, it's been a steadily growing fascination in a somewhat unremarkable place - Allegan. The city has the rare distinction of rural charm without depressing urban decay and widespread poverty, largely owing to the corporate presence of Perrigo.

It's nestled next to an extensive state game area (heavily forested and well trailed), and far enough off the beaten path of the interstate to feel remote. The city is also flush with a bevy of well-maintained historical homes and businesses, stemming in part from the bounty that Allegan's own Benjamin D. Pritchard received following the capture of former Confederate president Jefferson Davis at the conclusion of the Civil War.

Unfortunately for Allegan, Sola Cepa only cares about the onion rings. Here's a review of onion rings from On the Grid in Allegan, Michigan.

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

The presentation is fairly bare bones, with the onion rings arriving on a standard white plate, albeit decorate with few gray rings. The heaping pile of onion rings is a shock, as I expected far fewer onion rings in a half order. The requisite ranch dipping sauce came in two plastic containers off to the side. I was almost overwhelmed by the delightful scent of the rings, which were clearly hand battered and made fresh just moments before. Though there was one cracked ring and handful of gaps in the batter, the coating of the batter was overall fairly consistent, as was the golden brown color, with a few exceptions for each.

Taste: 4.5/5

When an onion ring is clearly handmade, my mind leaps in anticipation to the flavor of the batter. The batter does not disappoint, brining a moderate and non-overpowering blend of grease and salt. The onions are likely well flavored with just the right amount of thickness. Together, thanks to an impeccable cooking time, batter and onion blend together into a sumptuous bite. My only minimal complaint is that the onions are less flavorful than I would have expected, and I suspect the use of a sweet or Vidalia onion rather than a yellow onion might be the culprit. The ranch is much the same. Though a bit watery and deceptively simple at first glance, the aftertaste sneaks up on you like Benjamin D. Pritchard on Jefferson Davis. Instead of bringing incarceration, they brought a subtle, tangy aftertaste that expertly paired with the onion rings. These onion rings hit the golden mean in terms of taste: not too salty, nor too bland; not too greasy, nor too dry; not too thin, nor too thick. I think their creation clearly stems from an expert hand used to executing simple flavors well.

Texture: 3.5/5

Overall, the batter is crunchy on the initial chew while slowly dissolving in the mouth afterwards, maintaining the golden mean between soft and hard with just the right amount of give. The onions likewise straddle the line between mushy and raw, cooked to deliver the optimal amount of juices with each bite.

The ability to balance both taste and texture between divergent extremes is a rare one, and these onion rings mostly hit the mark. The batter does vacillate between strength and fragility, as bits of the batter harden and chip off onto the plate when biting (what I deem "shedding"), exacerbated by a similar tendency for weaker onion rings to partially dissolve in a cloud of onion particulate.  

Value: 5/5

The onion rings at On the Grid are an absolute home-run in terms of value. The amount of high-quality, homemade onion rings at a $4.50 price point is almost unheard of, and more than makes up for some minor quibbles with onion selection and batter integrity. These are absolutely worth the trip.

Total: 16.5/20

Wahlburgers (Chain)

Much like wedding rings, onion rings bring people together. The past six years of Sola Cepa have provided myriad opportunities for connection with friends and family alike, and downtown Grand Rapids has been the site for dozens of such occasions. Years ago, when I was working in downtown Grand Rapids, the opening of a new restaurant that served onion rings was a remarkable occasion, one I monitored closely.

Unfortunately, after three years of working from home full-time, these sojourns to The Big City have become fewer and farther between, though not entirely absent. In this case, the opening of the Grand Rapids location of Wahlburgers, as well as The Wife being out of town, provided the opportunity to catch up with my good friend Eric over the sweet, circular goodness that is the onion ring.

Here is a review of onion rings from Wahlburgers. 

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

While the menu bills these as "Thin Crispy Onion Rings," I don't think I had grasped just how thin they would be. The overflowing heap of ribbon-thin onion rings snakes out of the wired basket, cascading and hypnotically swirling between the basket and the plate. They're among the thinnest onion rings I've ever seen, and are topped with green specks of herbs.

The breading is similarly thin, so much so that I wasn't entirely sure it existed on first glance. The plating has a certain elegance, with a metal (not plastic) basket atop a napkin atop a hefty plate, though the effect is somewhat diminished by the sheer volume of onion rings.

Taste: 3.5/5

I was initially highly suspicious of these onion rings, given the small size and thin batter, but the flavor profile was surprisingly refined. Most onion rings, if made properly, are designed to deliver big bursts of flavor - the thick cuts of juicy onion, well salted greasy batter, and so on.

These onion rings were of a more subtle and understated variety, with a delicate seasoning balance between salt, herb, and batter. The thin onion strands were predictably on the lighter side, but it was consistent with the taste of the batter in a way that made sense with the size. Unfortunately, my order was slightly over salted, threatening to swallow the ecosystem of flavor entirely.

The accompanying sauce did not complement the otherwise thoughtful taste, representing some sort of unholy vinegar and tomato fusion that wasn't quite ketchup and wasn't quite Thousand Island Dressing. I think a good sauce would have made significant steps to overcome the saltiness and overall dry profile, though application was difficult given the small size of the onion rings.

Texture: 2.5/5

It's truly a remarkable feat to fry onion strings this thin without burning them to a crisp, but Wahlburgers has done so. While there's little overall moisture in the dish (owing to the small cut of the onions), the crispy onion rings remain light and airy, with the delicate batter somehow holding its shape through cooking and eating. The textural profile is fundamentally dry, with almost no onion juices to speak of, which was unfortunately not remedied by the accompanying sauce. 

Unlike many of the other dry onion rings I've eaten in my time, I think these are intentionally devoid of moisture, and to that extent it was executed within its vision, though it was still ultimately lacking. 

Value: 3/5

These onion rings are truly not onion rings at all. They feel in large part like an over-engineered gourmet burger topping that was added to the sides menu as an afterthought. They don't really work as a side and can't quite stand up as an appetizer, but it was like nothing I've ever tasted before. For $3.50 it's pricy given the quantity of onion, but it brings something new and interesting to the table. 

Total: 13/20

Red Knapp's Rochester (Rochester, MI)

On Day 2 of my one-city food tour of metropolitan Detroit, Micah, Cattandra and I went for a much needed early lunch following our wild night of debauchery (playing pool at a local billiards hall and then watching the film Hello, Dolly!). These onion rings were a major part of my reason for the trip, on the strong recommendation of Micah. Amidst a haphazard collection of vaguely Boomer-nostalgia Americana, I concluded the second and final part of my journey through the cuisine of Motor City. 

Here is a review of onion rings from Red Knapp's Rochester (Rochester, MI). 

Presentation and Appearance: 5/5

I'm immediately fascinated by these onion rings, which arrive on a rectangular metal tray covered with a sheet of wax paper. As with the décor, the presentation immediately evokes a nostalgic, classic American diner - simple, yet elegant.

The tray is well-sized for the five onion rings it contains, which are tastefully arranged and aligned. The onion rings are clearly made in-house, with a remarkable bulbousness that I've seen only rarely. They look like a larger and thicker cross section of a sphere than most onion rings, something lurking in hidden depths. Both color and coating are consistent with a somewhat dark golden brown coloring.

Taste: 4/5

The onion rings were clearly made fresh in-house, as evidenced by appearance and taste. The batter was buttery, greasy, and well-salted, and present in prodigious quantity thanks to the thickness of the onion rings. The thickness of the batter contributed to a slightly sweet taste in the interior portions, cakey in both appearance and taste.

The juicy onion flavor mixed well with the batter, with the whole bite being moist and not overly greasy. The only downside to the taste was in a handful of bites when the onion was sliced too thinly for its flavor to match up to the gargantuan batter, overpowered to more than a slight degree.

All told, the flavors are subtle and largely complementary, and the onion rings are sufficiently juicy and moist that I don't miss the absence of a dipping sauce.

Texture: 3.5/5

On holding these onion rings, they feel like they're almost alive. The tight seal of the thick batter traps a significant amount of air and moisture within the ring, making it squish and bend like the flesh of some grotesque, delicious, onion ring monster. Despite the malleability, they are texturally plump and cakey.

The batter yields surprisingly well on consumption, given its thickness, gently folding in on itself with a soft crunch. The lack of consistency with onion size strikes again, as some of the thinner sliced onions are a bit overcooked relative to the batter. For the larger slices, they were cooked just right.

Though there was no slippage, there were a few instances of shedding, most likely due to the sheer size of the onion rings. On a few of the larger rings, the trapped pocket of air fixed betwixt onion and batter made for a somewhat hollow bite, and goes a long way towards explaining the unique bulbous shape.

Value: 4/5

These onion rings were a tad pricier than the standard "$1 per ring" found for most premium onion rings, costing $6 for 5 thick, handmade onion rings. Given the size, flavor, and appearance, I still think they're a solid value, though the inconsistent sizing does hamper them from soaring to the highest heights of onion ring excellence.

Total: 16.5/20

Rochester Mills Beer Company (Rochester, MI)

Following the Great Thumb Sojourn of 2021, I felt once again animated to paint the state red with onion ring reviews. Fortunately for me, long-time Sola Cepa superfan Micah Wiersma, who also designed the Sola Cepa logo, was the architect of an impressive food tour of metropolitan Detroit, hitting two (2) locations in one (1) city, truly a tour de force of all the great city of Detroit has to offer.

Accompanied by his fiancée Cattandra (though, at time of writing, she is now his wife), we started, and ended, our journey in the city of Rochester, a fabled cosmopolitan metropolis (population 12,711). Coming from the self-proclaimed "Beer City USA" of Grand Rapids, I was intrigued to see the quality of Motor City beer, which left me bitter with disappointment and regret for ever leaving West Michigan. Thankfully for them, beer quality is completely irrelevant to the task at hand.

Here is a review of onion rings from Rochester Mills Beer Company in Rochester Mills, Michigan.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

The onion rings arrived in a heaped mass, overflowing past the edges of an oblong white plate. The consistent coating is characteristic of the mass-produced, machine-made onion ring. While unbroken and relatively consistent, it bodes poorly for both taste and texture. 

I can state with fairly high confidence by sight alone that these were one of the more popular brands of frozen onion rings, the Brew City 5/8" Beer Battered Thick Cut Onion Rings, which I've encountered several times before. As frozen onion rings go, they look about as good as they can, fried to a relatively consistent golden brown color across rings. 

The second sign of trouble was just as obvious. The onion rings were stuck together in a tangled web on the plate, whether nested inside of one another or merely adhered by some bitter fusion of batter. This was almost certainly the result of pouring the a fused heap of onion rings from a plastic bag directly into a fryer, without a care in the world. 

Taste: 2/5

Straight from the freezer onto the plate, the taste was predictably bland. My first bites gave me a hint of optimism, as the batter had a nice caramelization that complemented the drawn out sweetness of the onion. Though the batter tasted more like "decaying bark from a particularly boring tree" than anything else, Brew City alleges that the onion rings contain paprika (though only for color), onion powder, salt, "spices," and sugar.

I tasted little more than salt, although it was reasonably well salted. As the evening progressed, I tried to dip the onion ring into some of Cattandra's queso blanco dip, but honestly, all I could taste was the dip. The flavor of the onion rings, while present, was so weak that they were completely overpowered by everything else, even the thin, watery beer I was drinking to distract myself from having to eat these onion rings.

Texture: 2.5/5

The slight caramelization on the outer crust of the onion rings was something I truly didn't expect from a frozen brand, and it works well. It gives the batter a satisfying crunch without being overly burnt. Despite this, the onion rings as a whole were incredibly dry, as though all the moisture had been sucked out by whatever foul machine made this concoction. 

Within the ring, the onion was soft, but not mushy, with little onion juices present whatsoever. The dryness of the onion ring contributed to a somewhat well-developed structure, but the tightness of the rings led to some incidences of slippage. 

Value: 0.5/5

For all the many faults of these onion rings, they pale in comparison for the absolute rip-off of the price. For two handfuls or so of bagged, frozen onion rings, Rochester Mills Beer Company charged $7.95, a price almost as high as one could expect at a popular vacation destination instead of "some old building in Rochester."

The only meager point for value I will give is the quantity. There were a decent number of onion rings, but the quality and the preparation were abysmal, satiating only the basest animal instinct for a full belly. Truly a fitting overview for the experience at Rochester Mills Brewing Company as a whole - bland, hollow, overpriced, and completely lacking in any sort of personality or taste. 

Total: 7.5/20