Empire State Delicatessen (New Orleans, LA)

Sometimes, I search out onion rings after extensive research and fact-checking, while cross referencing reviews from various sources, pictures, and my own intuition. Other times, I go to a place because it's down the street from my hotel and I only have a half hour, and I desperately yearn to taste the sweet crunch of batter shelled around a juicy onion, desperate for that eternal muse and inspiration. This is one of those times. Thanks to Aaron for joining me.

Here is a review of onion rings from the Empire State Delicatessen.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

A confused smattering of  rings arrive unceremoniously thrown into a wax-paper lined black basket, which is far too large for the amount of onion rings. They're like a small moon in the empty depths of space, lined with rings, perhaps, but surrounded by the inky darkness from which none can escape. The imagery is magnified when looking at the dark black basket, and the plain white paper, much like the empty stretches of Lunar craters, viewed from far below.

The rings themselves have a remarkably haphazard breading, with greasy corpuscles bubbling to the top and marring the otherwise smooth finish. As a result, the finish of the breading is uneven. The color is reasonably consistent golden brown, and the breading, when consistent, is well executed. With the amount of heat required for the mystery bubbles to form, I'm forced to conclude that these onion rings are overdone. It's not a good look, and the poor plating doesn't help.

Taste: 3.5/5

Despite the alien appearance of the rings, they are oozing with the hidden, microscopic taste within. A healthy dose of grease, perhaps more than a bit excessive, and a deluge of onion juices greet me after my first bite. They are remarkably juicy, with a hint of onion sweetness seeping through.

The batter, much like the surface of the Moon, was tasteless. It lacked seasoning and flavor, with almost all of the taste in the onion rings coming from the onion inside. While that is a reasonably strong taste, it fails to fully compensate for the lack of taste in the dusty craters that are the batter. The smooth, greasy, buttery goodness seeps into the batter a little, but I know the true source is the onions within.

As predicted, the onion rings are somewhat overcooked. This explains both the blisters on the surface and the preponderance of juicy flavor on the inside.

Texture: 2/5

Even with the overdone nature of the rings, the texture is remarkably soft. There's little to no structure in the way of these rings. They collapse into a web of grease and juice, albeit tasty, on the slightest hint of pressure. While smooth and buttery, the rings lack thickness and substance.

The onions are unsurprisingly mushy and weak, a natural consequence of the delicious onion juices and the long cook time. The onion rings have a cohesive texture, but it's an unpleasant one.

Value: 1.5/5

For $4.65, I got a depressingly small pile of alien onion rings, lacking sufficient quality to warrant the steep price tag, and too few to satisfy my insatiable urge for battered onions.

Total: 9.5/20