Bud and Stanley's Pub & Grub (Grand Rapids, MI)

Despite having gone on the day prior to New Year's Eve, Bud and Stanley's Pub & Grub was filled with the noise and revelry characteristic of a major celebration. I was not deterred. My sole goal, as it has always been and will ever be, was to sample and review their onion rings. I steeled myself through the din of the crowd, with an internal cry of "Sola Cepa!' giving me strength to persevere. 

Here's a review of onion rings from Bud and Stanley's Pub & Grub. 

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

In my long, and never-ending, quest to review onion rings, I thought I had seen it all. It seems that most restaurants are content to plop out a mound of onion rings in a plastic basket, resting atop a thin layer of greasy paper.

That's why the presentation of these onion rings delighted my jaded eyes in a way I've never thought possible. The onion rings sank deep into the recesses of the conic container, and were stacked well above the end of the cone, making a tower pleasing to the eye and to the palate. The accompanying container for the ranch dipping sauce, attached right to the cone, left me in awe of the wondrous innovations we see in civilization today. 

The appearance of the onion rings was good at first glance. A golden brown batter covered a wide array of onion ring sizes. The main problems came in the inconsistency of the coating, with more than a few onion rings lacking full cover, or some extra gnarly bits tagging along.

Taste: 2.5/5 

For all the glitz and glamour of the presentation, the taste was lacking. There was a fair portion of grease in the rings, spurting into my mouth with every bite. The batter lacked sufficient seasoning and flavor, and seemed mostly to serve as a barrier to keep the grease inside rather than providing taste in and of itself. 

The onion, however, had a pleasant, if subtle, taste. On one or two rings, the onions were cooked in such a way as to pack a bite filled to the brim with the juices and flavors of the onion. the onions were sweated, but perhaps a bit too long.

The accompanying ranch sauce had was heavy and packed a decent punch, but it mostly served to mask the bland batter of the onion rings, rather than work in concert to improve the dish as a whole. 

Texture: 2/5

The battered rings were soft, lacking in crunch and rigidity. This perhaps contributed to the outrageous amounts of slippage I encountered while eating, far more than standard. More often than not, my first bite led to accidentally eating the entire onion, leaving a messy pile of batter sitting on a napkin in its stead. 

The primary culprit of the slippage was the batter. It was far too thin, and left too much space between the onion and the batter to sufficiently cover, and maintain hold of, the onion in the rings. There were a handful of exceptions, where the batter was secure and thick and held the integrity of the ring together, which were a welcome reprieve from the norm. 

The sweating of the onions, prior to battering and frying, made them juicy, and closer to the side of mushy than I usually like. Fortunately, it didn't devolve into a unsatisfying paste, as so often happens. 

Value: 3/5

For $5.75, I got a reasonably sized portion of onion rings. The presentation no doubt made the pile seem bigger than it would in a traditional basket. The portion size was fine, but for the price, and the quality of the rings, I found it lacking.

It would serve well as a shared appetizer for two, or, for a light, early dinner for an onion ring connoisseur.

Total: 11.5/20

Sweet Meats Smokehouse at Fifth Third Ballpark (Comstock Park, MI)

From time to time over the past six months, I glanced through the notes stored on my phone, the dim outlines of onion ring reviews yet to be written. I would often consider trying to eke out a rough review, merely to get it over with, but I couldn't bear to put out a sub par production. I wasn't in a state or motivation to deliver the quality that you, the readers, have come to expect.

Today, Sola Cepa resumes. Thanks for reading.

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My culinary experience as baseball games doesn't have a stellar track record. Two lukewarm hot dogs, wrapped in a suspicious foil, went down easy enough at a Detroit Tigers game some ten years ago. The experience was not as pleasant that night.

As such, I didn't have high hopes for the onion rings at Fifth Third Ballpark, home to the West Michigan Whitecaps. Though my palate may have been somewhat compromised by copious amounts of $2 beer, I knew I couldn't pass this opportunity up. Navigating through the golden horde, I made my way to the one concessions stand that had onion rings, Sweet Meats Smokehouse.

Presentation and Appearance: 1/5

It's easy to tell the difference between onion rings prepared with care, thought, and precision, and those sloppily fried and mass produced for rapid consumption. These rings are demonstrably the latter.

The bowl is a thin, weak Styrofoam, threatening to crack and break at the slightest hint of pressure. It's far too small to hold the volume of the onion rings, and I was forced to delicately balance the bowl and two cups of Coors Light back to my seat all the way across the stadium.

Even without the small bowl, the onion rings themselves are a train wreck. Nearly every ring is cracked to smithereens, split and fraying. While some of the breading is a pleasant golden brown, there are far too many overdone, nearly burnt, chunks of breading scattered throughout. The inconsistency alone is frightening.

In short, these do not look even remotely appetizing.

Taste: 1/5

I'm tempted to say there's no taste whatsoever to these rings, but that would be false. There is one overwhelming taste: grease, and grease alone. I can tell there are some onions in it before I eat it, as the cracked batter shows some white, vaguely onion shaped substance within. Not that I could tell from the taste.

In terms of seasoning, there's a bland hint of a dash of salt mixed in with the overwhelming grease. The onions have no taste, the breading has hardly any, and I feel like a squeeze bottle of grease was drenched over the rings just before they were served. The grease leaked and burst onto my shirt as I ate it, adding pain and discomfort to the complete lack of sufficient taste.

Texture: 1.5/5

The overcooked batter does give the onion rings a mild crunch, but this is almost entirely overshadowed by the mushy, soggy interior of the onion. They are swimming in grease, which flows like a river between the onion and the breading. For each mild crunch, the stream of grease that rushes into my mouth (and, as previously mentioned, onto my lap) overshadows even the hint of good texture.

Value: 2.5/5

While the onion rings were the worst I've ever tasted in my life, I got a reasonably sized amount for $3.50, especially given that they came from a concessions stand at a minor league baseball game. They were, at best, a diversion from the baseball game and an excuse to shove grease down my gullet.

They may have only been edible as a result of the $2 beer which I managed to choke it down with, but they were still pretty cheap.

Total: 6/20