Russ' Restaurants (Cutlerville, MI)

For many in West Michigan's Dutch community, the Russ' chain is something of a holy place. At any given time, at any Russ' location throughout West Michigan, the restaurant is populated by large swaths of Dutch near-centenarians, with a smattering of blonde haired and blue eyed families crammed among the tables. The food is cheap, delicious, and filling.

When I first started Sola Cepa, Julie VanVoorst (a former Russ' manager) repeatedly insisted that I review the onion rings at Russ', but only if she took me. After many long months, we were finally able to make it. We were also joined by her own clan of tall Dutchmen; Dale VanVoorst, Ryan VanVoorst, and Eric VanVoorst.

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

The presentation is consistent with the Dutch roots of Russ'. Simple, with no pretension, and suitable for its purpose. In an appropriately sized green basket, layered with the standard paper. The appearance of the onion rings is thick, meaty, and demonstrably handmade, as evidenced by the bits and gnarls on the batter. They look immensely appetizing, homemade, and rustic.

However, the gnarly batter bits were a bit excessive (and the shaken off bits littered the bottom of the basket). The hand-crafted imperfections were appetizing, but at the same time, off-putting when taken to an extreme. In addition, the onion rings displayed clear signs of inconsistent fry time (some were overdone relative to others). While most were a delightful golden brown, some veered into darker (and overcooked) territory. 

Taste: 4/5

Much like the food critic in Ratatouille, these onion rings evoke a fond nostalgia for my youth, surrounded by a largely homogeneous band of fellow Dutch in family, church, and school. The first bite brings not only memories, hidden deep within my mind, but also a delightful smooth and creamy taste. The batter is well seasoned, the grease level is not excessive (indeed, it's just about perfect for an onion ring), and the onion rings are truly addicting. Soft and smooth, they go down easy. 

The onion interior is thick, well cut, and lightly sweated, releasing the crucial onion grease and juices necessary to make onion rings a success. Unfortunately, the sweet Spanish onions which make up the onion rings fail to deliver on a strong onion flavor. There was certainly an onion taste there, and what there was blended beautifully with the other components of the ring, but it was not as strong as I would have liked. 

I would also make special note of the accompanying ranch dipping sauce. My insider source for all things Russ', Julie VanVoorst, mentioned "It is worth noting that Russ' makes its ranch from scratch." "But not the batter", retorted Dale. Nonetheless, the ranch was flavorful, with a good mixture of zest and soothing cream, and complemented the onion rings well. 

Texture: 4.5/5

Like the taste of the onion rings, the texture was smooth and soft. The batter stayed on the onions perfectly. Even when I cracked the ring to dip into the ranch more effectively, there was no slippage, the batter did not disintegrate, and the integrity remained intact. The onion rings had more crisp than crunch, with a soft (but far from mushy!) onion and soft batter. They were a perfectly executed example of a soft and battered onion ring. 

Well, almost perfect. The previously mentioned excessive bits of batter (which marred the otherwise perfect appearance of these fine rings), ebbed and oozed over the onion core, and often were crispier and more cooked than the rest of the batter. This unpleasant consistency was the only flaw on an otherwise terrific texture.

Value: 5/5

As might be expected from a Dutch restaurant, the onion rings were a terrific value. At a normal menu price of $3.99 ($2.49 with coupon, of course), they more than suffice as an appetizer for two. Between the five of us, we were barely able to finish two of the baskets. The quantity in each basket of rings was generous, and the quality was outstanding. I'm tempted to award bonus points in this category for just how good of a value they are (but I'm not, as that would ruin the integrity of the onion ring standard). 

Total: 17.5/20

Coney's and Swirls (Hillsdale, MI)

Packs of families roam the street in the summer-like sun. Were it not for the still-budding trees, it could be June. The heat wave comes with the re-opening of seasons shops, like Coney's and Swirls, with ice cream, among other things. Thankfully, this provided me with yet another opportunity to review some onion rings. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

These onion rings were presented in a wholly unique way, one that I've never seen for onion rings before. They came packaged, wrapped, and twisted in a wax paper bag (which was easily opened), with a bag of salt tied in for good measure.

Appearance-wise, the onion rings were fairly consistent in both color and breading. However, a number of the onion rings were fused together through overlapping breading, as well as one or two cracked rings littering the bag.

Taste: 2/5

The onion rings were a step above bland, but a hair below mediocre. Moderately, but not exorbitantly, greasy, they were also lightly seasoned. The onion taste, however, was hardly present. On closer inspection, the onion interior was pitifully small and thin.

A small container of ranch dipping sauce accompanied the rings. Rather than adding to the flavor, the creamy ranch completely overwhelmed any of the taste in the onion rings.

In light of the processed appearance, and the sub-par taste, these onion rings were almost certainly cheap and frozen, albeit freshly fried.

Texture: 2.5/5

Like the taste, the texture of these onion rings were unremarkable, at best. While the breading was thick, it did not deliver a satisfying crunch. In general, the rings were almost certainly overcooked, leading to the crispy-yet-not-crunchy breading exterior.

The texture of the onions was practically non-existent, given their thin and narrow cut. Despite that, the onions weren't at all soft or mushy.

The texture was almost completely middle-of-the-road, with no extremes, either good or bad.

Value: 3/5

A small-to-average wax paper bag monstrosity of onion rings cost $3.45, which is a bit high for a quick, frozen bag of grease. That said, the quantity was fairly sizable, and the onion rings were filling.

If this review seems scant, it's because it is. I ate these an hour ago and they left practically no impression on me, other than "meh".

Overall: 10/20

Eaton Pub and Grille (Charlotte, MI)

This review is a radical departure from the norm for Sola Cepa. Today, for the first time, I'm reviewing something that is not an onion ring. "What!??," you cry out, "But this is Sola Cepa! How could you possibly review something that isn't an onion ring?"

Calm down, dear reader. Sola Cepa, after all, merely means "onion alone," not "onion RINGS alone." While onion rings are my bread and butter, there are other fried onion concoctions and variations, remarkably similar to an onion ring in all but shape, that can still be subjected to an onion (ring) standard.

That said, Sola Cepa's first review of onion petals, from the Eaton Pub and Grille, follows.

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

Since I'm a busy man (ignoring the fact I devote hours of my life to reviewing onion rings,) I got these onion petals to go. As a result, the presentation isn't stellar. The petals (and the dipping sauce) are shoved into a box just barely big enough to fit them, unceremoniously heaped into a pile together.

The appearance of these onion petals is a departure from the norm (for onion rings, at least.) They resemble a classic pub style of breading and batter; irregular, varied, inconsistent, and not especially "pretty," which I don't think is a problem here.

Altogether, the petals look pretty appetizing, even if the to-go box presentation isn't the best.

Taste: 4/5

Once you get past the odd appearance, the onion petals are, essentially, just a slightly different onion ring. My first cautious bite revealed a bold onion flavor. Like many of the best onion rings, the onion was lightly sweated before being battered and fried, which helps bring out the onion flavor.

That first bite also revealed the oddly sticky taste of the petals, almost like a microscopic coating of syrup was poured over every petal. At the same time, my bites went through clean, with only the occasional slippage. In some ways, they reminded me of a zesty fry moreso than an onion ring.

Some grease was present, but it wasn't excessive. The batter itself wasn't tremendously well seasoned, but the accompanying zesty dipping sauce improved the taste dramatically, complementing the already present flavors of the onion.

Texture: 3/5

As already mentioned above, the onion petals were ever so slightly sticky. With the stickiness came a still satisfying crunch, but a bit of a softer one. It was more like eating a glazed piece of meat than a crunchy onion ring.

The breading bloomed well beyond the onion. Each of the onion pieces in the petals was probably bigger, and thicker, than the average onion ring, but it came with increase irregularity in size and shape. Moreover, the breading ballooned well beyond the onion. While the petals all seemed fairly big and thick from the outside, a lot of that size stemmed from a hollow corridor between the onion and the breading. In effect, you end up eating a lot of air with the petals.

The occasional slippage also detracted from the texture score, especially given the relatively small size of the petals compared to a standard onion ring.

Value: 2.5/5

This fairly large box of onion petals cost $6.99, a fearsome price. While they're fairly good quality in taste and texture, and massive in quantity, the steep price tag is a little daunting. In my opinion, it's worth two or three dollars less than what it costs.

Total: 13/20

The Palace Cafe (Hillsdale, MI)

It was late Saturday night. Perched in an apartment in downtown Hillsdale, I suddenly developed an intense craving for onion rings. Thankfully, there was a restaurant right across the street that happened to be one of two places in the city that stays open that late, and they had onion rings! I'd always avoided The Palace Cafe because of the odd hours and their cash-only policy, but the stars aligned that fateful night, allowing me to test out the onion ring standard yet again. Thank you to Allegra (my rock) for accompanying me on my quest.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

The presentation is about as bare bones as it could possibly be. Atop plain wax paper and a black bowl rested some golden brown onion rings. The appearance of these rings left much to be desired. Many were misshapen, and those that weren't often had cracked rings or inconsistent (or incomplete) breading. The color of the breading was, at the very least, a consistent and pleasant golden brown.

Taste: 3/5

It should come as no surprise to anyone that the onion rings from a late-night diner in rural Southern Michigan where you can only pay in cash are greasy. The level of grease, though, gave me a bit of pause. The grease seeped through the breading to coat the onion rings themselves, and every bite revealed more grease and juices lying latent in the interior.

The onion taste was fairly strong and consistent, but nothing groundbreaking. The grease and juices combined with some of the other flavorings in the batter, which evoked a creamy and buttery flavor that greatly enhanced the taste. That said, the taste as a whole was fairly basic and uninspiring. It left next to no impact on me.

Texture: 1.5/5

Mediocre onion rings can usually redeem themselves through a solid texture. Even if lacking in taste, the satisfying crunch and a solid onion core can help bring the points up. This was not the case with these onion rings.

The greasy onion interior was almost unbearably mushy, wet, and overcooked. It didn't quite delve into a pulverized onion paste, but it was dangerously close. There was no crispness, firmness, or really any hold at all.

The batter was similarly uninspiring. Its sole saving grace were the inconsistent, overcooked batter bits covering the onion rings. They alone gave a sufficient crunch, and added some desperately needed texture to the plate.

Value: 3.5/5

For $2.99, I got a smallish basket of fairly mediocre onion rings. The quantity was fairly skimpy for the quality of the rings, in my opinion, and the quality wasn't great either. Despite that, I think you largely get what you pay for.

If it's nearing midnight on a Saturday and one wants onion rings within a walking distance of downtown Hillsdale, one can't be too picky. In any other scenario, however, I would pass on these rings without a doubt.

Total: 10.5/20

Sola Cepa featured on Radio Free Hillsdale

The day has finally arrived. When I started Sola Cepa, I long dreamed of spreading my message of the onion ring standard, and the reviews that stem from it, to the world.

Thanks to Jordyn Pair, I (along with Sola Cepa) was featured on the show "Have You Heard," on Radio Free Hillsdale (101.7 FM). If you ever wanted to get a more in-depth look at my philosophy of food and my motivations for starting Sola Cepa (in a handy, audio format) check it out!

Fat Boy Burgers (Grand Rapids, MI)

It may (or may not) surprise readers with the amount of time I put into research and planning for Sola Cepa. I meticulously determine which restaurants have onion rings (through copious online stalking,) plot out a rough schedule, and plan accordingly.

This week, that all went out the window when a coworker walked by my desk at work, saw me looking at the menu for Fat Boy Burgers, and said "Let's go there for lunch today!" Sometimes, spontaneity eclipses the well-laid plans of a young onion ring connoisseur, but the onion ring standard remains the same. Here's a review of onion rings from Fat Boy Burgers. Thank you to David Welch and Jimmy Birney (aka "The Jimmy") for joining me.

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

The entire aesthetic of Fay Boy Burgers is grounded in nostalgia, particularly for old time diners of years past. The presentation of the onion rings is perfectly consistent with that, plated in a red plastic basket with the classic red and white paper resting beneath the onion rings. The presentation suits the onion rings well, and though it is a bit basic, it is certainly a classic.

The appearance of the onion rings immediately tells me they are freshly battered and handmade (though it does already claim that on the menu.) Like the presentation, the onion rings call back to an earlier age, and look like they'd be perfectly at home in any classic greasy spoon.

That said, there were some gnarly bits that were a tad excessive, and some chipped batter littered the bottom of the basket when I was done. There were no cracked rings, that I can recall, or missing breading.

Taste: 4.5/5

I was immediately drawn into these onion rings on first bite. They were rich, almost buttery, and layered with just enough grease. I usually dock onion rings for grease (often, because it's horribly excessive,) but I really didn't mind it on these. In fact, I think the grease contributed greatly to the flavor. The batter was fresh and well-seasoned, and blended beautifully with the underlying (and overlying) grease.

The onion itself, however, was not especially strong. There was a consistent, light onion taste, but it was certainly not the highlight of the rings. Like most good onion rings, the onions were definitely lightly sweated before being battered and fried, which improved the (somewhat weak) flavor dramatically.

Despite the shortcomings in the onion realm, I genuinely couldn't get enough of these onion rings. I found it hard to just eat one bite of a ring, and often ended up practically devouring them whole, chomping away at the ring bit by glorious bit. The one downside, however, was a lack of accompanying dipping sauce, which I think are necessarily to truly bring out the best in an onion ring.

Texture: 3.5/5

The texture of these onion rings fascinated me. They were not hard, or thick, or crunchy (like so many onion rings are.) Rather, they were soft, light, and airy. The delightfully light texture and the greasy, full-bodied flavor complement one another wonderfully. There was no deep, satisfying crunch, but I think this is a good change from the standard.

I've docked points solely because of the inconsistency in the batter, which lad to excessive chunks of overdone breading all over the onion ring. I always appreciate a bit of this just to mix things up a bit, and add some more unique texture to the onion ring, but these were just too much. In fact, just about the only crunch in these onion rings came from gnawing on the overdone batter.

I understand why this was the case, and I'd rather have some overcooked bits from a handmade ring than the perfectly smooth, frozen, manufactured chimera so common to cheap chain restaurants, but it was a mark against the rings nonetheless.

Value: 5/5

For $3.59, I got the "large" side of onion rings to go with my patty melt. Frankly, I would have been perfectly filled on just the side of onion rings! For the relatively small amount of money, one gets an enormous mound of homemade, greasy onion rings. I've paid much more and gotten far less at many other restaurants in the area.

Fat Boy Burgers has, to date, the best onion rings I've reviewed in the Grand Rapids area. Give them a try sometime.

Total: 17/20