The Bull's Head Tavern (Grand Rapids, MI)

The world is a complicated place. Sometimes, the taste of a sweet onion ring provides a safe harbor in the midst of storms. It is my quest to find these harbors, and pass on the crucial knowledge to others. There are always storms, and always opportunities to find more onion rings. Recently, I went out to lunch with some coworkers. As luck would have it, they had onion rings! Two birds, one stone. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

The onion rings have a classic pub style appearance. A bit irregular on the breading, the shape bulges and twists. This is not, however, unappealing. It works, in its own way. I will say that most of the breading was a bit dark, indicative of some overcooking. One onion ring, buried beneath the heap, was lighter in complexion, and not overdone.

The presentation is nothing special. The onion rings were twisted together in a heaping mass, almost inextricably tied together. The plate was a bit small, and crowded (with my gyro and pickle jockeying for space as well). Beyond that, I had no serious complaints.

Taste: 3/5

The taste of these onion rings was fairly complex (for an onion ring). The breading had a surprising depth and flavor. Clearly well seasoned, thought out, and well prepared, it was the highlight of the taste. The onion interior only had a mild taste, though it was present. I would have liked a more prominent onion flavor.

Overall, the taste only had two serious flaws. The first was the weakness of many pub-style onion rings; an overwhelming, overpowering, and a somewhat disturbing permeation of grease. To a certain extent, this is unavoidable on an onion ring, even good ones. However, it was just a bit too the excess for my liking. In addition, the breading, while flavorful, was clearly and blatantly overcooked. Though this had more dramatic ramifications for texture, the taste suffered as a result.

Texture: 2.5/5

At first bite, the texture is fine, even good! With a delightful crunch, and no slippage of the onion, it seems fine. Indeed, they tend to maintain their shape with ease.

Of course, all of these factors are explained by one horrible cause; the onion rings were dreadfully overcooked. It makes sense that an overdone onion ring would be crunchy, and shrivel up on itself to prevent any slippage of the onion. Of course the shape would be maintained.

In truth, the overcooked nature of these onion rings completely ruins all the positive attributes of texture. Crunch, no slippage, and shape maintenance are only good if they're derived from a proper frying, not from excessive time in the fryer.

Value: 3.5/5

These onion rings were not particularly expensive, but they were low in quantity, and overcooked. All in all, they're a worthy side dish, but certainly not worth getting on their own.

Total: 12.5/20

Cottage Bar (Grand Rapids, MI)

When in the course of human events, a man moves from a small, rural town in southern Michigan to the bustling metropolis of Grand Rapids in West Michigan, he takes upon a mighty responsibility of pursing truth. One of the ways said man chooses to pursue truth is through reviewing onion rings, according to the onion ring standard. One would expect a mighty urban area to conquer the small, rural city. Does this hold up to reality? Read on, to find out. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5 

The appearance of these onion rings is, in a word, delightful. The consistency is consistent, the breading is smooth, and there are little to no irregularities on the plate.

The presentation is not ideal, but it's to be expected. Somewhat typical for onion rings in a restaurant, they're heaped onto a plate, hardly big enough to contain the sheer volume of rings. The presentation is nothing special, but it's certainly not bad either.

Taste: 1.5/5

On my first bite, I was optimistic. There seemed to be a strong onion taste, coupled by a robust flavor in breading. However, repeated bites and rings indicated the horrible truth; the taste simply wasn't there. There's a mild onion flavor in every onion ring, but hardly noticeable if you weren't looking for it.

The flavor in the breading is almost non-existent. Beyond a thin veneer of grease, it's bland, empty, and tired. Overall, these rings left next to no impression on me. Very little taste or flavor permeate these onion rings, and they're little more than a vehicle for grease and breading.

Texture: 2.5/5

For the lack of taste in the breading, it has a fine texture. Thick, crunchy, and crispy, the breading does not disappoint. However, the essential component of an onion ring, the actual onion, fails to deliver. The onion is mushy, weak, and slim. The scourge of onion ring lovers everywhere arrives once again, as the inner onion slips out of the breading. The result is a hollow shell of fried bread, desperately trying to masquerade as some facade of an onion ring.

Value: 2/5

Originally, I was optimistic about these onion rings. I stopped in over lunch, immediately ordered onion rings, and waited. Within five or six minutes, they arrived. I was blown away by the speed of service, but the reason become abundantly clear.

The rings were almost certainly frozen. At the very least, they were mass prepared and ready for frying upon order. The speed was amazing, and that's often one of my main criteria for food.

However, the price was exorbitant. For a small plate of onion rings, I paid nearly six dollars! What's more, the rings were of mediocre quality, if decent quantity. I can genuinely say I've has fast food onion rings substantially better quality (and a better value) than these. Though they were filling, and sufficed as a lunch, it is a lunch I will bitterly regret until the end of my days.

Total: 9.5/20

The Finish Line (Hillsdale, MI)

I don't expect gourmet food in a diner with a race car theme. That said, I've always had a soft spot for The Finish Line. It's cheap. It's quick. It fills you up, and it's usually tasty. However, as with all eateries, it must be subjected to the stringent test of the Onion Ring Standard.

Presentation and Appearance: 2/5

The presentation is not great. It doesn't break any molds, but it also doesn't throw the mold away and shovel everything into a messy trash heap. These are bulk onion rings, quickly fried, and shoved onto a plate. Again, I don't expect anything fancy here That said, the plate is not particularly inviting. This doesn't make me want to dive in.

The appearance is also a mixed bag. The breading is smooth and largely consistent, but there are a heap of cracked and half-rings. Is a cracked ring even truly an onion ring? I submit that it is not.

In any case, this category brings nothing profound, or even especially good, to the table.

Taste: 2/5

While not particularly bad, the taste was weak. The breading, with smooth, had next to no flavor in it. Their only saving grace was the well-executed onion center. Cooked just long enough to maintain an onion taste, these rings would have been tasteless without them.

The accompanying ranch dipping sauce only served to mask the bland taste entirely. While drenching an onion ring in sauce does technically make what one is putting in one's mouth taste better, it does nothing to improve the onion ring itself.

Texture: 3/5

The bland breading, the closest thing to an all-star component this plate has, was satisfyingly crunchy. Firm, crispy, and with just a little bit of give, it was excellent.

However, for all the greatness of breading, these onion rings had a catastrophically high incidence of slippage. It seemed like every other bite I had to deal with some errant strand of onion. I can't say this is uncommon, but it does nothing to ruin the dining experience every time.

Value: 3.5/5

While the onion rings themselves don't score great on taste or presentation, they're a tremendous value. Four dollars nets a large, filling plate. While quality isn't great, the quantity is more than sufficient.

Total: 10.5/20

The Hunt Club (Hillsdale, MI)

The Hunt Club is one of my favorite haunts in Hillsdsale. Reasonable prices, good quality pub style food, and a good selection make it the perfect place to take your parents when they visit so they think Hillsdale has at least one nice restaurant.

Though I've had the onion rings in the past, I have yet to review them since I started this grand endeavor. So, here's a review of onion rings from The Hunt Club.

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

Presentation was typical for a pub style onion ring. I got the appetizer portion, a heaping pile shoved into a basket with some paper underneath. The basket was an appropriate, if not perfect, size for the amount of onion rings I received, and the presentation was pretty good.

However, appearance of the onion rings was not in line with their presentation. The biggest problem was sheer inconsistency. Some rings were evenly breaded, some had massive gaps. Some were smooth, some were grainy and gnarly. Beyond that, the presence of wildly overcooked onion rings in the same basket as well cooked onion rings was distracting and unappetizing.

Taste - 3/5

I'm torn on this. On one hand, I enjoyed eating these. On the other hand, just about the only real flavor I got was onions and grease. The onion taste was good, not overpowering, and made me feel like I was eating an onion. However, the grease was just overwhelming. Every time I picked a new one up, my hands became drenched in grease and oil. While grease technically "tastes" "good", it's not the only thing I want when I'm eating an onion ring. There was no flavor in the batter, nothing to make it pop or stand out.

Additionally, there was no accompanying dipping sauce. While not a requirement for onion rings, they usually complement the flavor, and can enhance even the greasiest onion ring. The biggest problem is that there was no cohesive taste in the components. There was no beautiful "blending of the ingredients", just an odd mish-mash of dissimilar parts.

Texture - 4/5

For all of their faults in taste, these rings had a great texture. The Hunt Club opted for a "soft" onion ring model, with smooth (well, usually smooth) batter and a lightly sweated onion interior. All in all, the texture was good, when it was properly done.

The problem, as noted in the section on appearance, was inconsistency. Some onion rings were clearly overcooked, with breading missing or crumbling or falling off entirely.

Value - 3.5/5

The cost of the basket ($7.99) seems steep at first glance, but these are clearly designed to be a shared appetizer, not an easily digestible side dish for the young onion ring lover on the go. For the price, there's an extraordinary amount of onion rings, and for all the faults with flavor and appearance, they are certainly filling.

In short, they're pretty good for a shared appetizer, and a smaller portion as a side dish would be just fine. As a stand alone dish, however, they leave something to be desired.

Total: 14/20

Saucy Dog's Barbecue (Jonesville, MI)

I would probably pay a king's ransom for onion rings this good. Thankfully, I don't have to.
My philosophy of restaurant quality (also called the Onion Ring Standard) took some time to develop, but it first began here, at Saucy Dog's Barbecue in Jonesville, MI. I went there with a friend on a whim my freshman year of college, and decided to try the onion rings. I was blown away. Every time I have returned, I got the onion rings again and again. Simply put, these are the best onion rings I have ever had.

Presentation and Appearance - 4.5/5

When I think of an onion ring, there are usually at least two images that come to mind. The first is a thin, crispy, somewhat refined breaded strip of onion. The second type is like these onion rings: thick, a little rustic, and almost meaty in its appearance. The batter on the onion is smooth. The bubbles and crumbs that interrupt this smoothness lend to it an air of authenticity and charm, one that feels completely genuine. These onion rings feel like a perfect representation of the restaurant they come from, and that is to their strength.

I've docked half a point for presentation for two reasons. One, the size of the basket is just a bit too small. The mass of onion rings, while heaping and appetizing, has a tendency to spill out over the edges. Second, one onion ring was dropped off the basket and landed on the table just before they got to me. I ate it anyway, but it's not a great feeling.

Taste - 5/5

I don't even know where to begin. The batter was smooth, almost buttery and creamy, and delicious. There weren't a tremendous amount of seasonings in the batter, but the subtle flavor was a strength. The inner onion, meanwhile, was unique among onion rings. It was lightly sweated/sauteed prior to being dipped and fried. This gives it a light, not overpowering, flavor of onion throughout the ring. The batter and the onion meld in a delicious, slightly greasy, blend. They are a seamless, tasty whole.

A brief word on the accompanying dipping sauce. While often the sauce accompanying the onion ring is a poorly masked attempt to hide the poor flavor of an onion ring underneath a deluge of sauce, these sauce is the perfect complement to these onion rings. I would be hard pressed to find anything I'd rather dip these rings in. I have nothing bad to say about the taste of these rings.

Texture - 4.5/5 

The texture on the batter is near perfection. Firm without being too hard, smooth without being too rich, it is a beautiful medium between all extremes. My only complaint comes with the irregular cooking of some of the breading (the bits and crumbs that disturb the overall smoothness), which were good, but not necessarily consistent with the rest of the onion ring.

The onion is interesting and unique, as noted in the taste section. The lightly sweated/sauteed onion could go disastrously wrong, with the onion becoming a mushy paste, and not firm enough to hold shape. This is not the case here. The sweating gives it just enough give to be soft and smooth, but it has sufficient firmness to hold the shape of the ring together. The best part of the texture is that there's just enough contrast between the batter and the onion to know there's a difference, but they complement each other perfectly.

Value - 5/5

A basket of these onion rings (as an appetizer) costs $5.49, and it is worth every penny. They aren't incredibly expensive (indeed, they're practically cheap by most restaurant standards), but you get what you pay for, and more. While the heaping basket has some presentation flaws, it lets the eater know they're getting a tremendous amount of delicious, thick, huge golden brown onion rings.

Total: 19/20

Bon Appétit (Hillsdale, MI)

My day was a bit weird today. As I was in a computer lab, trying desperately to understand MATLAB as I poured my soul into a Math Modeling project, I received not one, but TWO messages from people urging me to go to the cafeteria (serviced by Bon Appétit) ASAP. Why? They had onion rings.

My project called me, but I knew that duty would call when I started Sola Cepa. And so, I did what I had to do.

Presentation and Appearance - 3/5

As to be expected from mass-prepared food in a college cafeteria, these weren't exactly the fanciest in presentation. Unceremoniously heaped onto my plate, some of the onion rings were cracked and broken before I even touched them.

The appearance, however, was generally pretty good (besides the cracked rings). A fairly smooth, consistent breading covered all of the rings, and those that remained whole held their shape well.

Taste - 3/5

Unsurprisingly, the breading was bland and flavorless. Surprisingly, the inner onion packed a tremendous punch in terms of flavor. It tasted, well, like an onion! A strong one, at that. That said, these onion rings were sort of a one flavor pony. It was pretty much just onion. A good onion taste, but standing alone, it left something to be desired. The rings were also room temperature at best, cold at worst. That's not an ideal temperature for onion rings.

I suspect these rings were a bit undercooked, and prepared well in advance of my arrival.

More points are awarded for the accompanying ranch sauce, which somehow oozed life into the bland breading and made these onion rings a bit more enjoyable to eat.

Texture - 2/5

While the onions were flavorful, they were also soft, and mushy. While it's theoretically possible to have a good soft onion ring, it's rare, and difficult to pull off. While the breading was smooth and consistent, it was not especially crispy. It was more hard than anything else.

The texture of the breading was just...off. The potential undercooked nature of the ring only contributed to it. The texture was almost certainly that of a mass produced ring, and I would be shocked if these were made in house.

Value - 1/5

In order to enter the cafeteria (operated by Bon Appétit), I had to swipe my meal card. Averaged out over a semester, my meal plan costs approximately $17 a meal. In other words, I paid $17 to eat a plate of mediocre onion rings.

If I'm paying $17 for onion rings, I expect a mound of gourmet onion rings with accompanying fireworks, mind-blowing taste, and perfectly fried. These onion rings were not that.

I've awarded one point to the value category, solely because I could theoretically eat as many onion rings as I wanted (as the cafeteria is on an all-you-can-eat model). However, the amount of these onion rings I would have to eat to get my money's worth would probably make me vomit or pass out.

Total: 9/20

Arby's (Everywhere)

I'm sure some of you are thinking "Man, this guy only reviews cheap onion rings. How can I trust the strength of his palate?" Besides the fact that you're being pretty demanding for a blog that exclusively reviews onion rings, I have a method to my madness. Nationwide chains (like Arby's or Burger King) have the broadest market, and my goal is to help as many onion ring lovers around the world as I can.

So, here's a review of onion rings from Arby's.

Presentation and Appearance - 3/5

Presentation is typical for that of fast food onion rings: jammed into an overflowing carton. The appearance is, in a word, unique. The breading is chunky, and sharp. Though somewhat abnormal for an onion ring (and perhaps not as pleasing pleasing as a smooth, refined breading), it strangely works. The rings themselves are pleasantly large as well. 

The worst part of these rings is the scourge of onion ring lovers everywhere; when the onion slips out of the breading, separating the two essential components of an onion ring. Though it only occurred occasionally, the dreaded slipping onion cheapens the entire eating experience. 

Taste - 3/5

The taste is nothing remarkable, but still pleasant. The initial bite for each onion ring is a burst of flavor, both in the breading and the onion itself. The onion is cooked at almost the exact right amount to create flavor while simultaneously maintaining a firm shape. The breading is pleasantly crunchy, though without a particularly strong seasoning. 

Subsequent bites are a bit of a letdown. The breading does not have a long lasting flavor, but the aftertaste is pleasant in the mouth. A light greasiness permeates the rings throughout, but nothing horrible or excessive. The accompanying ranch sauce complements the onion rings well, enhancing the flavor rather than masking it. 

Texture - 3.5/5

Without a doubt, the texture is the highlight of these onion rings. The breading is irregular and crunchy, with a unique mouth feel. The onions are almost uniformly firm (one in my carton was a bit mushy, but the rest had no issues), and the integrity of the onion ring held together, with a few exceptions. 

Value - 4/5

Though the rings themselves are fairly inexpensive (about $2.50), and relatively good quality, I wish there were more. It's a perfectly appropriate amount for a side dish, but eaten alone, the quantity leaves something to be desired. 

That said, I'd be hard pressed to find onion rings of this quality for the same price anywhere else. The Arby's onion rings are a good value, but probably work best accompanying a sandwich rather than a solo dish. 

Overall: 13.5/20