Coney's and Swirls (Hillsdale, MI)

Packs of families roam the street in the summer-like sun. Were it not for the still-budding trees, it could be June. The heat wave comes with the re-opening of seasons shops, like Coney's and Swirls, with ice cream, among other things. Thankfully, this provided me with yet another opportunity to review some onion rings. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

These onion rings were presented in a wholly unique way, one that I've never seen for onion rings before. They came packaged, wrapped, and twisted in a wax paper bag (which was easily opened), with a bag of salt tied in for good measure.

Appearance-wise, the onion rings were fairly consistent in both color and breading. However, a number of the onion rings were fused together through overlapping breading, as well as one or two cracked rings littering the bag.

Taste: 2/5

The onion rings were a step above bland, but a hair below mediocre. Moderately, but not exorbitantly, greasy, they were also lightly seasoned. The onion taste, however, was hardly present. On closer inspection, the onion interior was pitifully small and thin.

A small container of ranch dipping sauce accompanied the rings. Rather than adding to the flavor, the creamy ranch completely overwhelmed any of the taste in the onion rings.

In light of the processed appearance, and the sub-par taste, these onion rings were almost certainly cheap and frozen, albeit freshly fried.

Texture: 2.5/5

Like the taste, the texture of these onion rings were unremarkable, at best. While the breading was thick, it did not deliver a satisfying crunch. In general, the rings were almost certainly overcooked, leading to the crispy-yet-not-crunchy breading exterior.

The texture of the onions was practically non-existent, given their thin and narrow cut. Despite that, the onions weren't at all soft or mushy.

The texture was almost completely middle-of-the-road, with no extremes, either good or bad.

Value: 3/5

A small-to-average wax paper bag monstrosity of onion rings cost $3.45, which is a bit high for a quick, frozen bag of grease. That said, the quantity was fairly sizable, and the onion rings were filling.

If this review seems scant, it's because it is. I ate these an hour ago and they left practically no impression on me, other than "meh".

Overall: 10/20

The Palace Cafe (Hillsdale, MI)

It was late Saturday night. Perched in an apartment in downtown Hillsdale, I suddenly developed an intense craving for onion rings. Thankfully, there was a restaurant right across the street that happened to be one of two places in the city that stays open that late, and they had onion rings! I'd always avoided The Palace Cafe because of the odd hours and their cash-only policy, but the stars aligned that fateful night, allowing me to test out the onion ring standard yet again. Thank you to Allegra (my rock) for accompanying me on my quest.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

The presentation is about as bare bones as it could possibly be. Atop plain wax paper and a black bowl rested some golden brown onion rings. The appearance of these rings left much to be desired. Many were misshapen, and those that weren't often had cracked rings or inconsistent (or incomplete) breading. The color of the breading was, at the very least, a consistent and pleasant golden brown.

Taste: 3/5

It should come as no surprise to anyone that the onion rings from a late-night diner in rural Southern Michigan where you can only pay in cash are greasy. The level of grease, though, gave me a bit of pause. The grease seeped through the breading to coat the onion rings themselves, and every bite revealed more grease and juices lying latent in the interior.

The onion taste was fairly strong and consistent, but nothing groundbreaking. The grease and juices combined with some of the other flavorings in the batter, which evoked a creamy and buttery flavor that greatly enhanced the taste. That said, the taste as a whole was fairly basic and uninspiring. It left next to no impact on me.

Texture: 1.5/5

Mediocre onion rings can usually redeem themselves through a solid texture. Even if lacking in taste, the satisfying crunch and a solid onion core can help bring the points up. This was not the case with these onion rings.

The greasy onion interior was almost unbearably mushy, wet, and overcooked. It didn't quite delve into a pulverized onion paste, but it was dangerously close. There was no crispness, firmness, or really any hold at all.

The batter was similarly uninspiring. Its sole saving grace were the inconsistent, overcooked batter bits covering the onion rings. They alone gave a sufficient crunch, and added some desperately needed texture to the plate.

Value: 3.5/5

For $2.99, I got a smallish basket of fairly mediocre onion rings. The quantity was fairly skimpy for the quality of the rings, in my opinion, and the quality wasn't great either. Despite that, I think you largely get what you pay for.

If it's nearing midnight on a Saturday and one wants onion rings within a walking distance of downtown Hillsdale, one can't be too picky. In any other scenario, however, I would pass on these rings without a doubt.

Total: 10.5/20

The Finish Line (Hillsdale, MI)

I don't expect gourmet food in a diner with a race car theme. That said, I've always had a soft spot for The Finish Line. It's cheap. It's quick. It fills you up, and it's usually tasty. However, as with all eateries, it must be subjected to the stringent test of the Onion Ring Standard.

Presentation and Appearance: 2/5

The presentation is not great. It doesn't break any molds, but it also doesn't throw the mold away and shovel everything into a messy trash heap. These are bulk onion rings, quickly fried, and shoved onto a plate. Again, I don't expect anything fancy here That said, the plate is not particularly inviting. This doesn't make me want to dive in.

The appearance is also a mixed bag. The breading is smooth and largely consistent, but there are a heap of cracked and half-rings. Is a cracked ring even truly an onion ring? I submit that it is not.

In any case, this category brings nothing profound, or even especially good, to the table.

Taste: 2/5

While not particularly bad, the taste was weak. The breading, with smooth, had next to no flavor in it. Their only saving grace was the well-executed onion center. Cooked just long enough to maintain an onion taste, these rings would have been tasteless without them.

The accompanying ranch dipping sauce only served to mask the bland taste entirely. While drenching an onion ring in sauce does technically make what one is putting in one's mouth taste better, it does nothing to improve the onion ring itself.

Texture: 3/5

The bland breading, the closest thing to an all-star component this plate has, was satisfyingly crunchy. Firm, crispy, and with just a little bit of give, it was excellent.

However, for all the greatness of breading, these onion rings had a catastrophically high incidence of slippage. It seemed like every other bite I had to deal with some errant strand of onion. I can't say this is uncommon, but it does nothing to ruin the dining experience every time.

Value: 3.5/5

While the onion rings themselves don't score great on taste or presentation, they're a tremendous value. Four dollars nets a large, filling plate. While quality isn't great, the quantity is more than sufficient.

Total: 10.5/20

The Hunt Club (Hillsdale, MI)

The Hunt Club is one of my favorite haunts in Hillsdsale. Reasonable prices, good quality pub style food, and a good selection make it the perfect place to take your parents when they visit so they think Hillsdale has at least one nice restaurant.

Though I've had the onion rings in the past, I have yet to review them since I started this grand endeavor. So, here's a review of onion rings from The Hunt Club.

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

Presentation was typical for a pub style onion ring. I got the appetizer portion, a heaping pile shoved into a basket with some paper underneath. The basket was an appropriate, if not perfect, size for the amount of onion rings I received, and the presentation was pretty good.

However, appearance of the onion rings was not in line with their presentation. The biggest problem was sheer inconsistency. Some rings were evenly breaded, some had massive gaps. Some were smooth, some were grainy and gnarly. Beyond that, the presence of wildly overcooked onion rings in the same basket as well cooked onion rings was distracting and unappetizing.

Taste - 3/5

I'm torn on this. On one hand, I enjoyed eating these. On the other hand, just about the only real flavor I got was onions and grease. The onion taste was good, not overpowering, and made me feel like I was eating an onion. However, the grease was just overwhelming. Every time I picked a new one up, my hands became drenched in grease and oil. While grease technically "tastes" "good", it's not the only thing I want when I'm eating an onion ring. There was no flavor in the batter, nothing to make it pop or stand out.

Additionally, there was no accompanying dipping sauce. While not a requirement for onion rings, they usually complement the flavor, and can enhance even the greasiest onion ring. The biggest problem is that there was no cohesive taste in the components. There was no beautiful "blending of the ingredients", just an odd mish-mash of dissimilar parts.

Texture - 4/5

For all of their faults in taste, these rings had a great texture. The Hunt Club opted for a "soft" onion ring model, with smooth (well, usually smooth) batter and a lightly sweated onion interior. All in all, the texture was good, when it was properly done.

The problem, as noted in the section on appearance, was inconsistency. Some onion rings were clearly overcooked, with breading missing or crumbling or falling off entirely.

Value - 3.5/5

The cost of the basket ($7.99) seems steep at first glance, but these are clearly designed to be a shared appetizer, not an easily digestible side dish for the young onion ring lover on the go. For the price, there's an extraordinary amount of onion rings, and for all the faults with flavor and appearance, they are certainly filling.

In short, they're pretty good for a shared appetizer, and a smaller portion as a side dish would be just fine. As a stand alone dish, however, they leave something to be desired.

Total: 14/20

Bon Appétit (Hillsdale, MI)

My day was a bit weird today. As I was in a computer lab, trying desperately to understand MATLAB as I poured my soul into a Math Modeling project, I received not one, but TWO messages from people urging me to go to the cafeteria (serviced by Bon Appétit) ASAP. Why? They had onion rings.

My project called me, but I knew that duty would call when I started Sola Cepa. And so, I did what I had to do.

Presentation and Appearance - 3/5

As to be expected from mass-prepared food in a college cafeteria, these weren't exactly the fanciest in presentation. Unceremoniously heaped onto my plate, some of the onion rings were cracked and broken before I even touched them.

The appearance, however, was generally pretty good (besides the cracked rings). A fairly smooth, consistent breading covered all of the rings, and those that remained whole held their shape well.

Taste - 3/5

Unsurprisingly, the breading was bland and flavorless. Surprisingly, the inner onion packed a tremendous punch in terms of flavor. It tasted, well, like an onion! A strong one, at that. That said, these onion rings were sort of a one flavor pony. It was pretty much just onion. A good onion taste, but standing alone, it left something to be desired. The rings were also room temperature at best, cold at worst. That's not an ideal temperature for onion rings.

I suspect these rings were a bit undercooked, and prepared well in advance of my arrival.

More points are awarded for the accompanying ranch sauce, which somehow oozed life into the bland breading and made these onion rings a bit more enjoyable to eat.

Texture - 2/5

While the onions were flavorful, they were also soft, and mushy. While it's theoretically possible to have a good soft onion ring, it's rare, and difficult to pull off. While the breading was smooth and consistent, it was not especially crispy. It was more hard than anything else.

The texture of the breading was just...off. The potential undercooked nature of the ring only contributed to it. The texture was almost certainly that of a mass produced ring, and I would be shocked if these were made in house.

Value - 1/5

In order to enter the cafeteria (operated by Bon Appétit), I had to swipe my meal card. Averaged out over a semester, my meal plan costs approximately $17 a meal. In other words, I paid $17 to eat a plate of mediocre onion rings.

If I'm paying $17 for onion rings, I expect a mound of gourmet onion rings with accompanying fireworks, mind-blowing taste, and perfectly fried. These onion rings were not that.

I've awarded one point to the value category, solely because I could theoretically eat as many onion rings as I wanted (as the cafeteria is on an all-you-can-eat model). However, the amount of these onion rings I would have to eat to get my money's worth would probably make me vomit or pass out.

Total: 9/20

Arby's (Everywhere)

I'm sure some of you are thinking "Man, this guy only reviews cheap onion rings. How can I trust the strength of his palate?" Besides the fact that you're being pretty demanding for a blog that exclusively reviews onion rings, I have a method to my madness. Nationwide chains (like Arby's or Burger King) have the broadest market, and my goal is to help as many onion ring lovers around the world as I can.

So, here's a review of onion rings from Arby's.

Presentation and Appearance - 3/5

Presentation is typical for that of fast food onion rings: jammed into an overflowing carton. The appearance is, in a word, unique. The breading is chunky, and sharp. Though somewhat abnormal for an onion ring (and perhaps not as pleasing pleasing as a smooth, refined breading), it strangely works. The rings themselves are pleasantly large as well. 

The worst part of these rings is the scourge of onion ring lovers everywhere; when the onion slips out of the breading, separating the two essential components of an onion ring. Though it only occurred occasionally, the dreaded slipping onion cheapens the entire eating experience. 

Taste - 3/5

The taste is nothing remarkable, but still pleasant. The initial bite for each onion ring is a burst of flavor, both in the breading and the onion itself. The onion is cooked at almost the exact right amount to create flavor while simultaneously maintaining a firm shape. The breading is pleasantly crunchy, though without a particularly strong seasoning. 

Subsequent bites are a bit of a letdown. The breading does not have a long lasting flavor, but the aftertaste is pleasant in the mouth. A light greasiness permeates the rings throughout, but nothing horrible or excessive. The accompanying ranch sauce complements the onion rings well, enhancing the flavor rather than masking it. 

Texture - 3.5/5

Without a doubt, the texture is the highlight of these onion rings. The breading is irregular and crunchy, with a unique mouth feel. The onions are almost uniformly firm (one in my carton was a bit mushy, but the rest had no issues), and the integrity of the onion ring held together, with a few exceptions. 

Value - 4/5

Though the rings themselves are fairly inexpensive (about $2.50), and relatively good quality, I wish there were more. It's a perfectly appropriate amount for a side dish, but eaten alone, the quantity leaves something to be desired. 

That said, I'd be hard pressed to find onion rings of this quality for the same price anywhere else. The Arby's onion rings are a good value, but probably work best accompanying a sandwich rather than a solo dish. 

Overall: 13.5/20

Burger King (Everywhere)

Sometimes, in my pursuit of onion ring perfection, I arrive at fast food. Convenient, quick, and (often) dirt cheap, how does it weigh up on the onion ring standard? Today, I review Burger King's onion rings. Though I got them at a location in Hillsdale, Michigan, these rings are (obviously) the same at every Burger King franchise.

Presentation and Appearance - 2/5

As might be expected from a $2 box of onion rings, these aren't the prettiest in the world. Small, with irregular breading and even shape, their appearance leaves much to be desired. Presentation is typical for fast food; dramatically overflowing from a small container. That said, it does give one the sense of being overwhelmed by the sheer volume of onion ring.

Besides the previous issues with appearance, many of the rings are broken and crumbled in the box. While this is not an issue for taste, it is not especially pleasing to the eye. The breading is very light, almost too light. The rings themselves practically disintegrate in the face of a light breeze, much less the slight grip one needs to pick them up and eat them.

Taste - 2.5/5 

These are not high end onion rings.The onion taste is hardly there. Almost all of what I'm tasting is the breading, which itself is not that bad, almost a bit spicy. At a certain point, though, it's more like eating fried dough than an onion ring. The accompanying "Zesty" sauce (of which they me gave a generous portion of TWO packs) dramatically improves the taste, but at a certain point, the ring simply becomes a vehicle for the sauce.

Texture - 2/5

On the surface, these onion rings seem to have a good texture. And I mean that literally. The breading is crisp, and shatters with a satisfying crunch as you chew. However, the onion interior is soft and mushy, almost gooey. A good onion ring should have a little give, but there should be enough there to hold the shape of a crunchy ring together. Burger King fails in this regard.

Value - 4.5/5

For all the faults these onion rings may have, they're pretty much on par with what you pay. If I spend $2.44 on a big box of rings, I'm not expecting gourmet quality. So, what you pay is what you get. If anything, they're a little underpriced, if only for the amount of rings in a box.

Overall - 11/20