Graydon's Crossing (Grand Rapids, MI)

Graydon's Crossing reminded me a hole-in-the-wall that had nothing else around it, making it more of an outcropping that resembled a hole springing from the earth. As I plunged into the depths of this curious place, I was set and determined to eat another in a long, perpetual series of onion rings.

Here's a review of onion rings from Graydon's Crossing.

Presentation and Appearance: 4.5/5

I can genuinely say that I have never, ever, seen onion rings that look quite like these. They are, as the kids like to say, "thick," plump, and tall, at least two of those words being something I've never used to describe onion rings in the past. They're almost like cross-sections of bulbous onion spheres, with a handful of holes drilled in to make them true rings.

The batter is clearly thick, and coats what is certainly a massive cut of onion, both in height and width. They are, as the menu claims, "super colossal." Sprinkled with cilantro as a garnish, the specks of green make for an interesting dish. While the beer batter is appealing, there are more than a few gaps in the facade. That said, this is only a minor mark on their appearance, with everything else being a delight.

The presentation, like the restaurant, is classy and simple, on a bowl-like plate and served with a ramekin of cilantro ranch.

Taste: 4/5

The colossal size of the onion rings is not quite matched by the taste, though it does come close. The thickness of the rings, both as a whole and in the constituent parts of the onion and the batter, meant that the quantity of flavor was supreme. The onions were cooked just right, able to maintain their shape while still secreting copious amounts of juices, all without devolving to a mushy mess.

They were, as a result, fairly greasy, though the amount of grease compared to the surface area of the onion ring is roughly standard. The batter is very well seasoned, particularly with the flakes of cilantro mixed in with the batter.

The cilantro ranch provided a uniquely spicy kick accompanying the rings, making the first unique foray into what might be construed as Mexican inspired onion rings.

While there was a big flavor for these rings, I think the sheer size of the onion, and the thickness of the batter, was responsible more than anything else.

Texture: 3/5

The batter on these onion rings were the absolute thickest I have ever encountered. It was tough and crunchy, and took serious effort to gnaw my way through the brick-like edifice. The texture was good, but there was just an extraordinary amount of it. "Woe, woe to you, great onion ring, you mighty city of Allium!" Alas, onion ring. Alas, as you collapse under the weight of your own hubris.

Each bite led to successive layers of the rings of the batter shedding off, like a collapse of the walls of Constantinople, with my tooth cannons chipping away at its once mighty defenses. The edifice, which looked so mighty, had a weak structural integrity, borne out by the bitter truth of experience.

Much like the treasures and loot hidden within Constantinople, for the conquering invaders to pluck at their whim, the onion had a shiny and silky smooth texture. They were thick and meaty, and helped the onion ring gain ground at the loss of points from the impenetrable batter.

Value: 4/5

These four onion rings cost $4, for a dollar apiece. While it's very pricey per ring, the size and quality of the taste made them a more than reasonable value.

Total: 15.5/20