Stella's Lounge (Grand Rapids, MI)

Monotony is the death of passion. There are few things in life I care about. Liberty. Cats. The music of Ritchie Blackmore. Onion rings. Just like nonstop Deep Purple can make me tire of the sonorous sounds of the Man in Black, eating too many onion rings can make me lose passion for the grand endeavor. 

I was eager for a change. A fresh take, or a new presentation. I think I may have found that in the onion rings from Stella's Lounge. Thank you once again to Sola Cepa super-fan Patrick Oetting for accompanying me. Read on. 

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

Ordinarily, I don't like the trendy restaurant style of odd or "unique" plating for the sake of being different. That said, in light of my new found hope for a change-of-pace in the otherwise stagnant realm of onion rings, I was pleased with the slight twist on presentation. Rather than a plastic (or wicker) basket, these were plated in what resembled a pie tin! What fun.

But really, the presentation was about the same as usual. I did ding it a tad because, as you can see in the picture, my onion rings arrived with one resting atop the pool of "angry mayo" dipping sauce. It speaks to a basic lack of care, or unneeded haste, in plating.

The onion rings themselves were two shades darker than the standard golden brown, perhaps "earth-brown." The dark brown was surprisingly unique, and inviting (though I may have been fooled by the dimly lit interior of Stella's Lounge.) A handful were cracked, another minus. A pair of rings were oddly fried together, with one onion ring stuck INSIDE another. The irregularity of the onion ring breading strangely suited them, perhaps in line with my new hunger for something to break up the monotony of the mundane.

Taste: 4/5

In another in a run of pleasant surprises, these onion rings had terrific seasoning in the batter. Though I couldn't taste out the specific flavors, the seasoning blended together into a strong and cohesive whole. The onion, unfortunately, had a fairly weak taste. It was slight, but certainly pleasant. The strong breading flavor made up for it.

Despite the weak onion taste, the rings were pleasantly plump and juicy. The taste, overall, was smooth and subtle. The accompanying "angry mayo" dipping sauce was appropriately spicy and creamy, and was a good complement to the onion rings themselves.

Texture: 4.5/5

The onion rings bordered dangerously on the line of becoming hollow, with puffs of air standing in for substance between a thin breading and a thinner onion. This was not the case at all.
I throw around the word "crunch" a whole lot when I review onion rings, so I find myself forced to concoct a new turn of phrase to describe the delightful texture of these rings. I'll go with "The Triple C," Crisp, Crunchy, and Clean.

Nearly every bite of these onion rings had "The Triple C" (or alternatively, "The C Factor.") My companion, Patrick, described them as "a crunch worthy of a Pringle's commercial." Indeed, the crunch was almost like a potato chip. It was thin and easily collapsed in the face of a bite, but somehow, the onion ring still maintained its shape.

The onion itself had a lightly sweated, somewhat soft texture, but it thankfully avoided becoming overly mushy. The texture of these onion rings was wholly unique, and in many ways, a strange enigma I will never unravel as long as I live.

I docked half a point for one outlying onion ring: the double ring mentioned above. The entire thing collapsed under the weight of its own hubris, leaving me with a handful of breading and a heap of onion resting haphazardly in the basket.

Value: 4/5

Though the price was a moderate (for the trendy, urban atmosphere I found myself in) price at $5.50, the quality was well-above average in all respects.

These onion rings were truly unlike any other I've ever had, and that's a good thing. They have rejuvenated me to continue on my never-ending quest to test the Onion Ring Standard, this time, with a little bit more wisdom than before.

Total: 16/20

Ray's Tavern (Reading, MI)

Many swear by the old "hole-in-the-wall" restaurant, tucked away in a far-off town or in the corner of a city. That, they say, is where the REAL good food is, not the trendy upscale restaurant downtown. Does the same hold true for onion rings? On the rare occasion I go back to Hillsdale, I try to keep on the lookout for any new onion ring opportunities. Today, I finally had the chance to go to Ray's Tavern, in Reading (about twenty minutes from Hillsdale,) as suggested by Jeff King many moons ago.

Presentation and Appearance: 3/5

As might be expected from a tavern in rural southern Michigan, the presentation is very no frills. A plain basket, lined with the ubiquitous paper, sits beneath a mound of onion rings. The presentation is nothing special, but there are no glaring negatives. It's traditional and simple. 

The onion rings had  a fairly consistent appearance.  Most were a delightfully light golden brown, smooth, and appealing. A handful were ever-so-slightly more well done, darkening the complexion a tad, but it wasn't excessive. One or two rings in the basket were missing some chunks of breading, and a few were even cracked clean in half (more like an onion half-ring than a true onion ring.) 

Taste: 4.5/5

On my first bite, I was greeted with a surprising amount of juices for a relatively small onion ring. At the same time, however, none of that juicy, greasy, delicious goodness was present on the outside of the rings. The savory juices were accompanied by a surprisingly robust onion flavor. 

The breading was almost buttery, perhaps mixed with the onion grease that percolated throughout the ring itself. The taste was smooth and creamy, without being too dry or too wet. The breading was not exceptionally seasoned, a slight mark against it. Despite that, I frankly couldn't stop eating these onion rings. They weren't accompanied by any dipping sauce, but I don't think the rings missed it. 

Texture: 4/5

I'm torn on the texture. On the one hand, the batter on the rings was wonderfully crunchy. Each bite was crisp, without being burnt or overdone (though one or two were a BIT crunchier than the others.) Though profoundly different from the gradually encroaching standard of beer-battered pub style, these traditional onion rings delivered quality crunch. 

The texture of the onions themselves were soft, but not excessively so. I suspect these onions, like those at Saucy Dog's Barbecue, were lightly sweated before they were breaded and fried, which would also explain for the juiciness of the onions. I generally prefer a firmer onion center, but I think the soft style worked well for these onion rings. There was one incidence of fairly minor slippage, but I consider this an outlier. 

Value: 5/5

A sizable basket of these rings cost just around $3, and it's well worth every penny. With a surprising quality and generous portions, these onion rings are perfect for an appetizer or a side dish. Though at first glance the onion rings seemed frozen and basic, the looks proved deceiving! The onion rings at Ray's Tavern are indeed a hidden gem, and well worth the drive (from Hillsdale, at least.)

Total: 16.5/20

Peppino's Sports Grille (Kentwood, MI)

This weekend, I delved into new territory as an onion ring reviewer: dinner and a show. Following a stellar performance of Fiddler on the Roof at my alma mater, South Christian High School, I proceeded to dinner at Peppino's, at their Kentwood location. To my delight, they offered some (probably non-kosher) onion rings! Would the post-musical high alter my taste buds, and cause me to be more accepting of imperfections? This change could prove to be dramatic. Before launching into my review, my thanks to Doug Wiersma, Lisa Wiersma, Micah Wiersma, and Cati Schmitz for accompanying me on my quest (and, in some cases, paying for it.)

Presentation and Appearance - 3.5/5

The rings are plated somewhat haphazardly, crammed on the same tray as my sandwich. As would be expected from a sports bar, they're over paper and in a basket. The presentation itself was fine.

Appearance as generally consistent with a pub style onion ring, though the breading was probably smoother than average, for the most part. Some of the rings were breaded inconsistently, with exposes onion leaking through the cracks, or with some overcooked, darker brown, gnarly bits sticking to the side.

Taste - 2.5/5

On first bite, I wasn't too impressed. On the plus side, the rings weren't excessively greasy. The breading was at least moderately seasoned and flavorful. However, the onion flavor was just not there. I could hardly taste it at all. In general, the flavor of these rings struggled to rise above mediocrity.

There was, however, one shining light. The accompanying ranch dipping sauce was, without a doubt, the best ranch I have ever had. Words are unable to describe it properly. It was rich and tangy, and it oozed flavor and zest. It managed to squeeze a little bit more flavor into the otherwise fairly bland onion rings, but often, the onion rings just served as a vehicle for the ranch itself.

Texture - 2/5

The onion interior of these rings, in addition to lacking flavor, had an unsatisfying texture to it as well. Though not so mushy as to disintegrate into vaguely onion flavored paste, it lacked a firmness to give the ring itself structure. This probably contributed to the high instance of onion slippage, leaving a husk of breading where there was once a delightful onion ring.

As for the breading, it too lacked a satisfying crunch. It was soft, and probably also contributed to the slippage problem that plagued these rings.

Value - 3.5/5

Though the onion rings lacked a cohesive onion flavor, and the soft texture left something to be desired, they were a high value. For a mere $1.99 (offered as a side to sandwiches and burgers,) I got a filling side portion.

Total: 11.5/20

Z's Bar and Restaurant (Grand Rapids, MI)

Surprisingly, the bustling metropolis of downtown Grand Rapids is not a hub for onion rings. To date, I am only aware of a handful of restaurants downtown that actually serve onion rings (at least, within walking distance of the Acton Institute, where I work.) In the city proper, I've already reviewed Buffalo Wild Wings, the Cottage Bar, and the Bull's Head Tavern. With that, I turn to my review of  onion rings from Z's Bar and Restaurant.

Presentation and Appearance - 3.5/5

The onion rings are plated in the traditional style. In what appears to be a real, genuine basket, layered with paper, and heaped into the center. The relatively small size of the basket (comopared to the quantity of onion rings) makes it seem like there are more onion rings than there really are, a classic onion ring plating technique. This is far from a bad thing, in fact, I quite like it.

As for the appearance of the rings themselves, the breading is consistent and golden brown. However, several of the rings showed some signs of being overcooked (a bit more "charred black" than golden brown.) Additionally, there were far too many severely cracked onion rings in the basket. Though a small percentage of the whole, it's never a good sign.

Taste - 3/5

Ordinarily, when I get my food three minutes after I order in a restaurant, I'm elated. Though my order arrived quickly at Z's Bar and Restaurant, this did not bode well for the onion rings. If they come out THAT quickly, that almost certainly means these onion rings are mass produced and frozen. That is, not house-made, and probably not high quality.

My suspicions proved correct. The worst part about these onion rings had a wildly inconsistent taste. Some were packed with a thick onion flavor, while on others, it was hardly present. Often, there was barely even a slice of onion in the rings. Other times, it was a huge, thick, massive cut.

However, the breading was well seasoned. The rings also had very light grease, a pleasant surprise. There were a handful of onion rings in the basket that were genuinely good. As noted above, the docked points come from the high level of inconsistency.

Texture - 1.5/5

The onion (when it was present) in the rings was unique. It wasn't mushy, but also not firm. They were usually wet and packed with moisture, with just a little bit of give. This itself was not all that bad. Indeed, some onion rings were practically juicy! However, as noted above, most rings had little to no onion to speak of.

As mentioned above, the thickness of the onions in the rings was wildly consistent. Even without that, the breading and the onion did not mix well together. On almost every ring, I observed a gargantuan gap between the onion and the breading. In some cases, they were practically hollow.

This no doubt contributed to the main reason I've scored these onion rings so low. Slippage was present on more than half of the onion rings. Slippage occurs when the onion portion of an onion ring falls out after a bite or two, leaving only a husk of breading in its place. While it is understandable to a certain degree, it was nigh ubiquitous on these onion rings.

Value - 2.5/5

The onion rings weren't great, but for $7, I got a massive basket. They were filling, and warm, and went well with the apple cider I ordered. Though probably a bit overpriced, and lacking on consistency and quality, the quantity of rings was well worth it.

Total: 10.5/20

Buffalo Wild Wings (Everywhere)

Dusk. The city streets of downtown Grand Rapids darken and are filled with all the hustle and bustle one would expect from a Monday evening in March (not very much.) As the evening progresses, I am called by my never-ending quest towards onion ring perfection. Thanks to the suggestion of regular Sola Cepa reader Kyle Hanby, Buffalo Wild Wings had been on my hit-list for some time. That Monday night, the rings and I finally met. 

Presentation and Appearance: 4/5

The plating and presentation of these onion rings is nothing revolutionary. Heaped into a mass and sitting atop some paper in a basket, they're not breaking any new ground. That's not a bad thing. I appreciate a restaurant that's willing to stick with what works rather than pointlessly concoct crazy new plating designs for the sake of being different. It's fitting and it works.

The appearance of the onion rings themselves is similar. Nothing groundbreaking, they're in a general pub style. Irregularly sized and somewhat loosely breaded and battered. This means there are a few hobs and gnarls on the otherwise smooth surface of the onion rings themselves, but this does make them a bit more interesting to look at. Otherwise, they're fairly consistent in color and covering.

Taste: 1.5/5

I don't even know where to begin. I'll start with picking one up. Immediately, my fingers become coated in a thin layer of grease, which covers the whole of the onion ring. They almost seem to glisten in the dim interior of Buffalo Wild Wings. The coating is at least a little seasoned, but I didn't get a lot of flavor from it.

Frankly, if it weren't for the shape and name, I don't think I would have known these were onion rings. The actual onion interior was cut extremely thin, and they somehow managed to sap all of the onion flavor out of it. This was mostly a circle of greasy, crispy bread that kind of smelled like an onion.

For all the faults of the onion ring itself, the grease DID make the food taste better (which I think is the entire point of grease,) and the accompanying zesty dipping sauce (which the menu calls Southwestern Ranch) was outstanding. However, the greasy crispy bread that kind of smelled like an onion (aka the Buffalo Wild Wings onion rings) merely served as a vehicle for the delicious sauce.

Texture: 3.5/5

Though the taste was severely lacking, these onion rings (aka the greasy crispy bread that kind of smelled like an onion) had a satisfying crunch on consumption. The firmness was nearly perfect. Not so hard and overcooked as to be difficult to bite through, but firm enough to substantially hold its own shape.

The onion itself, however, lacks any texture whatsoever. Possibly because there's basically no onion at all.

Value: 2.5/5

For the price (a little over $5), you get a decent sized starter/side basket of onion rings. They go will with their trademark wings, but leave something to be desired on their own. I've docked this category a bit simply because the onion taste is not there. Largely tasteless, the greasy crispy bread is at the very least filling, and would probably be a bit better with a beer or two.

Total: 11.5/20

Wing Heaven (Wyoming, MI)

There are likely more onion rings in the world than I will ever get to taste and review. However, each new onion ring review is some small attempt to chip away at the mountain that awaits me. After a brief hiatus, I have returned to my quest, with a review of onion rings from Wing Heaven, at the Wyoming (MI) location.

Presentation and Appearance: 2.5/5

These onion rings have a smooth and consistent breading, which is to their benefit. With a light, golden brown color, they are immediately attractive to the eye. Though the breading is somewhat gnarly, it's consistently so, with no irregularities marring it up.

Given that I ordered take-out onion rings from a small wing restaurant, I didn't exactly expect a beautiful presentation. My expectations proved correct. Wrapped in some slightly greasy paper and shoved into a styrofoam box with some spicy wings, it wasn't great. The unappetizing presentation caused me to go into the actual eating with an air of suspicion.

Taste: 3/5

A strong onion flavor is evident throughout. This is far from a certainty, surprisingly. The core component of an onion ring is, after all, the onion. The taste was palatable, without being overpowering. Subtle, and mild.

The breading was lightly seasoned. It wasn't excellent, but it did add adequate flavor. Thankfully, these onion rings weren't greasy in the slightest. It did mean less flavor, but it did mean more *decent* flavor.

That said, there's nothing that really stands out about the taste of these onion rings. They're alright. Nothing worth writing an elaborate review on a blog about onion rings, though.

Texture: 1.5/5

Mushy with hardly a taste of crunch, the texture leaves much to be desired. The onion interior isn't really an onion, it's more like a white paste shaped into an oval, desperately trying to masquerade as a slice of an onion.

The breading is mealy, but it provides the only source of a crunch in the onion ring. There's not much else to say about texture. There's no part of it that makes a good onion ring.

Value: 3/5

While these onion rings weren't really expensive (a little over $3), I found both the quantity and quality lacking. A pitifully small amount, it barely sufficed as a sufficient side to my boneless wings. Even if it was a mound, the weak texture and average taste didn't make it much worth it.

Total: 10/20