Here's a review of onion rings from the Varsity. Thanks to Trey D. for the suggestion.
Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5
Taken without context, a paper plate, accompanied by plastic cutlery, atop a school-grade red plastic tray, with a delicate cardboard carton on top, doesn't scream haute cuisine. I have found, however, through extensive experimentation, that onion rings don't really follow the traditional norms of plating. The casual style of presentation simultaneously evokes nostalgia and ease, settling one in for an immediate sense of comfort food.
The onion rings expand beyond the small carton elegantly, like a delicately crafted bonsai tree sprouting from its earthen mold. Each ring is delicately and tightly packed almost perfectly into the carton, forming a neat row of consecutive circles, of a shockingly uniform thickness.
Though the presentation is stellar, the onion rings do lack something in appearance. The inconsistent battering, filled with dozens of scrappy spirals of batter schlepping beyond the circle, does clearly indicate a hand-made batter, but perhaps one mass produced in the back of house. It's nothing hugely sinking, but it does leave something to be desired in terms of care and precision.
Taste: 4/5
Bursts of flavor coalesce from a fusion of the batter and the onion. The house-made batter was seasoned just right, with just the right mix of salt and other spices. The batter is peppered with flecks of black pepper, adding a good bit of color in the otherwise brown batter. When mixed with the onion flavor, it's smooth and buttery.
Onion-wise, the cook time is such that the onions yield a solid mixture of grease and juices, without devolving into a wet, sopping mess. The thin film of grease fits the flavor well, and complements both the batter and the onion.
The main mark against flavor comes from a lack of oomph. The parts that make up solid taste are there, but they can't quite make it to the next level. I suspect, in large part, this is due to their mass-production. Made in small batches, with perhaps a little more time, they could soar to the peaks of the mountains of flavor, ascending like the eagle of proper food preparation, before resting on the nest of cohesive production.
Texture: 3/5
I suspect the Varsity, being the well-oiled machine of food production that it is, has the fry time of onion rings down to a near exact science. The onions, as they were in taste, are the start of the texture of this dish. It's the Golden Mean of onion texture, with the perfect position on the sliding scale of firm to mushy. It has enough give to yield juice and flavor, but is firm enough to maintain shape under duress.
The batter, despite the heavy taste, is delicate, and flaky. Though the onions are cooked to perfection, the slightly-too-thin layer of the batter became a bit too crispy, with some rings bordering on burnt.
Carl Menger thought that the first facet of economic analysis was understanding cause and effect. Though I'm loath to compare my meager reviews to the beauty of economics, I think an apt comparison can be drawn to cause and effect. Because the batter was weak, and coated relatively lightly, while subjected to too long of a time in the fryer, shedding seems to be the natural consequence. Flecks of batter chipped off the structurally sound onion, falling onto the sea of of the red tray below me.
Value: 5/5
Value is among the hardest things to quantify, as it relies so strongly on a heavily subjective and personal understanding. That said, for $2.20, these onion rings are a grand slam. For a none-too-tidy sum, you get a dense carton of thick rings, at a perfect meal sized quantity with above average taste and texture. These onion rings are a grand value any day of the week.
Total: 15.5/20
