The Udder Side (Jonesville, MI)

As one might be able to imagine, there's not a whole lot to do in the region of Hillsdale. As a result, standards for an "exciting night out" fall dramatically. This, in essence, is how a standard ice cream shop, The Udder Side, became an exciting destination for the Hillsdale students who are not yet old enough to drink, or just want to do something to ease the characteristic tedium for a few short moments.

Fortunately for me, the Udder Side also has onion rings. Here's a review of said onion rings from the Udder Side. Many thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, Allegra, for joining me.

Presentation and Appearance: 2/5

Curled into the recesses of a greasy paper bag, which is somehow stapled shut, I manage to unearth a medium-sized cylindrical carton, overflowing with a packed set of onion rings too big for their metaphorical britches. The container itself is naught but a ghastly pallor, showing a unique contrast between the darkened rings.

The rings themselves, while appearing to be hand battered, have clearly seen better days. Though some batter does tenuously cling to the rings, it far too often borders from dark-brown to a crispy black, indicating an almost certain burning sensation soon to come.

Taste: 2/5

They say one ought not to judge a book by its cover, but in my many years of reviewing onion rings, I'm pretty confident that I can judge the taste and texture of an onion ring by its presentation and appearance.

In short, the burnt batter overpowers any other flavor present in these onion rings. The more passable bits of batter, like the handful of shiny beets at a roadside beet stand, form a thin, shell-like coating over the onions. While it's not as greasy as one might expect, it fails to deliver a flavor capable of standing up to the almighty char.

The onions, cooked reasonably well despite the overdone batter, provide a solid, if somewhat light, onion taste. Unfortunately, like the breading, the onion is overpowered by the too-crispy, too-burnt batter.

Texture: 2.5/5

The shell-like coating of the breading makes a valiant effort at a reasonable crunch, but the burnt batter makes them far too crispy. The onions, on the other hand, have a smooth, juicy texture, riding the line between soft and firm, and erring neither towards a mushy paste nor a raw circle of onion.

Texturally, these onion rings held some small potential. Had the execution been better, either on the frying or the battering, the score would be much more competitive. Alas. Perhaps the Udder Side should just stick to ice cream instead.

Value: 2.5/5

For a time, I held off on writing this review because I couldn't recall the price, needed for the value ranking. Through a complex series of searches, and a healthy dose of luck, I finally managed to find a menu with prices.

I was shocked to discover the price for these onion rings were $3.50. For the amount received, it's bordering on a premium price, but with sub-quality taste and cooking, they left much to be desired.

Total: 9/20